What is leadership and does it differ in various facets of society such as business, sports, or community?
First of all, let's look at the definition of leadership. The Oxford dictionary defines leadership as "The action of leading a group of people or an organization." So at the most basic level, it simply means that any time one or a few individuals lead a larger group, there is leadership. There is the saying "are leaders born or made?" I do believe that there are some inherent personality traits that make some individuals better suited to be leaders than others, but at the same time, leadership skills can be learned since the types and roles of leadership can vary to the same degree as the different types of personality. In discussions with peers in coaching or giving clinics and presentations, the issue of team captains or leadership on teams is a topic that often comes up. I have always held the believe that you can't always define or explain leadership, but you can recognize it when you see it. With all the team I coached, in observing the athlete's interact you could always spot natural leaders, not just in the way they acted but often in the way that the others responded to them. Of course, I have also had cases of seeing leadership qualities in certain individuals ( that in some cases they didn't feel they had) and having to work with them to develop these skills and most importantly to feel comfortable in a leadership role. So what are some of the leadership qualities as they relate to sports? Every team needs leadership. In difficult times players are left searching out the leaders in their team, but not everyone can pick up to the baton and lead a team away from tough moments. It takes a special range of characteristics to excel as a sports leader. If you are an athlete who seeks a leadership role, or a coach looking for leaders among your team, the following might be some of the qualities that can define good leadership potential. Depending on one's role in the team the scope and traits for leadership can change, and they manifest themselves in various ways. Coaches can use training sessions, team meetings, and pre/post match team talks to display their leadership, but once the players are out on the field during games, no matter how much they might yell out directions from the sideline, their influence is limited. A good coach knows how to prepare his or her athletes to perform in games but once the whistle blows, it's generally down the captain. Captains are responsible for taking what their coach does off the field and implementing it on match day. Coaches and captains are the obviously the first place to look for leadership, but they aren't the only ones who can step and lead, whether on or off the field, and in training or games. Leadership can come from any team member on the pitch. Whether through an inherent combination of traits or a skill set developed over time, different individuals could be the ones delivering and injection of leadership that lifts a team from potential defeat to dramatic victory. One fundamental trait of good leadership is leading by example. This is applicable to ALL forms of leadership in my opinion. When someone steps up as a leader or authority figure, other team members are likely to follow down any behavioral path they are exposed to. For the good of the team then, leaders need to be heading down the right pathway. If coaches or captains are seen with their head down, ranting and raving at players of officials, or generally conducting themselves in a negative manner, it can give a clear message to other players who will see no reason why they can't behave in exactly the same manner. The best leaders are the hardest workers on the pitch and the most respectful of their sport. The same goes for training days and off the field commitments. Turning up late or having a less than enthusiastic attitude to training is just giving the rest of the team a reason to take their eye of the ball. Efficient leaders set a good example, and team will feed off that enthusiasm and positivity. There's no one absolute method to leadership, and any approach to certain scenarios can be heavily influenced by external factors but also consistent to one's personality. I am not by nature someone who yells and screams openly and my leadership style reflected this, at least I hope it did. As the leader of a team, awareness is key. Awareness comes through time spent building relationships with teammates, peers and players, learning how they react to certain styles and tones. Different individuals will always react differently to motivational words or feedback. For example, after a serious defeat, do players react better to a few harshly spoken words, or do they need an arm round their shoulder to help them lick their wounds? Truth is that there is never a one size fits all approach, within any team, both may be required at the same time. It works on an individual basis too. Certain players react differently to different kinds of leadership. A passionate, rousing team talk may be enough to get most players up before a big game, but others may just need a few softer motivational cues in their ear to get them in the zone or back on track. In the heat of the moment it's easy to lose sight of awareness of the situation and that is one challenge about leadership. Sometimes what isn't said is just as important as what is. Leadership awareness can be developed by drawing on interaction with teammates ( or athletes in the case of being a coach ) on both a group and individual basis during the various scenarios, team building exercises, training sessions and of course game day. Sport is intrinsically passionate. At its best, sports is about feeling the same set of emotions every time you step on the field whether for training or games. That euphoria from victory and disappointment in defeat. Leaders have to embody the positive side of those emotions (commitment, dedication and passion) to drive the team towards their goals. However, the reality of sports is that winning isn't always the outcome. It is easy to be passionate when things are going well and wins are being racked up. However as a leader, it's not just passion towards victory that needs to be shown. Coaches and team captain need to be there for the other members of the team when things are tough, maybe more so, to help everyone get through the hard times and focus on the bigger objectives. A similar quality in many ways to passion, enthusiasm is an important characteristic for a leader and one that can displayed in a number of ways. On the pitch, enthusiasm is about how you approach the game, offering encouragement to your fellow players, or finding the way to motivate the team when they're looking down and out. But encouragement also stretches to your day-to-day behavior as a sports leader, and can often be more valuable in long run. Enthusiasm is infectious. Injecting some into everything related to the sport and team can lead to an increase in dedication and commitment from everyone involved in your team. Leaders, and particularly coaches, succeed or fail by their decision making. As the creator and implementer of a team tactics, coaches need to have the knowledge and ability to stand by the strength of their convictions. It is great to be a fantastic speaker, throw out all the motivational cliché catch phrases, but if a coach doesn't have the ability to understand the demands of their sport, properly prepare for the opponents with credibility, these shortcoming will become evident sooner or later. Leaders are often elevated into their position because of their ability (particularly team captains). Without that ability, authority can become undermined and questioned. Great leaders never rest on their laurels and instead, strive to improve their skills. Communication is always key. Regardless of knowledge, experience, and credibility, if a leader can't express his or her thoughts in a clear and concise manner, the message will never reach the team. Communication is a vital area in team sport. And if any member of the team needs to nail it down, it's the leaders of the team. At the very core of great leadership is inspiring others towards a series of goals. To get those goals across to team members, leaders need to be able to communicate them effectively. As I wrote towards the start of this post, being in a position as a sports leader means in times of trouble, heads will start to turn captains and coaches for direction. In response to that, leaders first have to show the stomach for a fight themselves, before turning trying to motivate others. Honing motivational skills should be a top priority for anyone aspiring to be a better leader. Not only can it squeeze out those little margins between winning and losing, but it challenges players to be better everyday. Good leadership is about infusing that challenge in the minds of players. Motivate them to be better everyday, and watch the team grow as a result. One theme runs through the best sports leaders is an insatiable will to win. Good leaders are the ones that seem to be able bring their absolute best when the team really needs it, pushing team mates on and never giving an inch to the opposition. Bringing energy to everything they do as they hunt out victory, leaders are winners as they put the required time and effort into what needs to be done to win. However, having a strong will to win, is not the same as having a win at all costs attitude. There is a line that in my opinion should never be crossed. Where is that line ? Like anything else, it depends on the situation. The character traits associated with the the will should never spill over into aggression or the use of unethical methods of victory, a complete and utter will to win should be high on the list of must-haves for sports leadership. They say that the best leaders lead from behind their team. Especially relevant to leadership in coaching, an important task is to plan out a clear vision and plan before imprinting it into the minds of the team. Many of the characteristics required to be a successful sports leader interlock with one another. Different leaders will have strengths in some of the areas detailed above and the trick is leading to one's strengths and improving the weaknesses. In terms of coaches, this might also include surrounding yourself with assistant coaches who might present a different leadership profile that your own. Leadership traits always work best in unison. Having a vision requires the ability to know how to get there, communication to let others know how they will contribute to success, and motivation and enthusiasm to share the vision and win the support of others. Without knowing where the end game is, the capacity to lead is seriously diminished. It is great to know the destination but it is equally important to know the best path to get there, along with the flexibility to be able to adapt if needed. Got what it takes? If this sounds like you, then raise your hand and take on a leadership role among your peers.
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A few weeks ago I turned 53 years old. How did I get here? There are those that say, age is just a number ( I think usually people that are getting older will say that), but I do agree that simply looking at one's numerical age doesn't sum up who the person is.
Turning another year older isn’t so terrible. As we age, we’ve got many things to look forward to. Like back pain, feet hurting, getting tired from just standing, getting achy from driving long distances, hair loss in some places and hair growth in others, wrinkles, forgetting passwords, insomnia, age spots, needing reading glasses, no longer seeing the fun in late night partying, the inability to drink beer, wine or any booze for that matter at the levels we seem to remember doing so when we were younger and all-around realization that there is more road behind us than there is looking forward. The funniest jokes are often funnier because they have a grain of truth and as much as I wish I were only joking around with this list, most of these experiences are realities for myself and those of my entourage in my age bracket. Aging is a chronological measurement of days, months and years since our birth. It is a straight line progression, each day we are a little bit older than the day before. While we can deal with the effects of getting older, there is absolutely no solution for the actual process of aging, and no cryogenics is not a viable option. What we can do however is make the choice how we deal with aging. As I mentioned at the start of this piece, I recently turned 53, I self-admittedly retired from coaching, using the simple fact that I say I am retired from coaching and not simply that I no longer want to coach or that I am taking some time off from coaching, is indicative of the mindset. I am slowly looking ahead and planning my retirement from work which is somewhere in the 4 to 5 years max away. Between coaching at the university level and working in a cegep with students in the 17 to 19 age group, has made it very apparent over the last few years, how big the age gap is, not just in the simple number of years but in how life is approached. I have always considered myself young at heart, in tune with the changing times and in touch with the younger "folks" but the truth be told, there is no escaping the fact that I am a middle aged man who is going through another reality. People in their 30s sometimes seem as kids to me, and sometimes that itself is eye opening because I still see myself as having been in that age bracket not so long ago. All things considered, I really am lucky. I am still fairly physically active, I have all my wits about me, some aches and pains aside, I am in generally good health and I think that a few aging signs aside I still look pretty good ( and I am actually at my lowest weight in close to 15 years). No one wants to read that aging sucks, anymore than we want that person that is constantly talking about how easy today's youth have it, or how things were so much better when WE were young. Getting older is inevitable and whether you choose to tolerate your wrinkled face or have it surgically touched up, we can find arguments to validate that we are screwed no matter which option we choose. Having said all this, still, when we consider the alternative, we ain’t dead yet People that say, “You’re not getting older, you’re getting better,” are people that are not as old as us. Those of us that are on the exiting our 40s and into our 50s know for a stone-cold fact that we are not getting better, but rather perhaps we are simply choosing to look at life through a different perspective. When you think all is lost and that the odds are against you. At what point do you keep going while other people quit? Some people continue, if for no other reason than to just keep going, while others give up. And that, in my opinion is what things like exercise, eating well, making healthy choices, staying physically and mentally active can teach us about staying as young as possible for as long as possible. We keep fighting, keep showing each day, accepting where we are in our life with a view looking forward and keep trying. Getting older is inevitable, I am older today than I was yesterday, but it doesn’t matter that it is inevitably a losing battle. Because this is what we non-quitters do. Even if the odds seem insurmountable, the odds do not matter. Make the most of life, never stop having the desire to learn something new, don't buy into stereotypes that certain activities, mindsets and behaviors are age-appropriate and age specific. Plus if you are really lucky, you are able to find the humor in life and keep laughing, even if that means sometimes laughing at yourself. With age comes wisdom, or so the saying goes. therefore perhaps substituting “happiness” for “wisdom” may be equally true. While growing happier and more satisfied as we move into our later years may seem contradictory, if I use myself as an example, it is possible that this can be the case. If I think back to my situation and that of some friends in my entourage, I could probably put together anecdotal supporting date that would indicate a trend where people might tend to experience well being or fulfillment is a type in a “u-shaped curve,” or certainly nothing in a line parallel to the straight line aging curve with the least fulfilled years falling in the early-to-mid 40s. Many people as they navigate their 20s and 30s, set the bar high for themselves both personally and professionally. If they haven’t achieved those goals by our 40s, some tend to plunge into the depression and dissatisfaction associated with so the so-called mid-life crises. After a type of bottoming-out in the mid-40s, moods improve and things might start looking up. Why? One reason may be that we get smarter, at least about some things. Certain types of mental tasks may actually become easier in our 50s and 60s, as we apply our accumulated knowledge. When we get through our 40s, we have a more realistic sense of those things that are truly important to us and will bring fulfillment, and we’re able to set new goals and focus on achieving them. We might spend the early decades as teenagers and then into our adult years, chasing the ideals of who we want to be, or imagine ourselves becoming, then by the time we reach our 50s and 60s, we tend to have a change of heart. After our mid-40s reality check and our resulting sense of purpose and renewal, we’re able to take stock of our lives with a clear eye and appreciate where we’ve come, how we got there, and what we achieved along the way. So you maybe we didn't achieve everything we had planned out as we entered our 20s, maybe we have had to adjust and adapt our plans but isn't that better than just aging. Doesn't having a sense of control where we can choose which path to take feel better than just accepting that we are getting older and can't do anything about it? I have gone through a few evolutions of myself. I can say with all honestly that today, I am quite different than who I imagined myself being when I finished university and started dating my wife.. but that is ok, I am very OK actually. I looking forward to what happens next. I have often written, commented about or made reference to my 27 years spent in coaching. It is something I am very proud of not simply because of the longevity but in the fact that I was able to adapt to the changing reality of coaching over an extended period of time. Since I started in the early 90s, the game itself has progressed, women's soccer as whole has become quite a bit more covered, supported and visible in the mainstream, and technology had come to play a huge role in coaching. These changes have paralleled changes occurring in society as a whole which have affected the coach-athlete relationship, the expectations by the athletes even at youth levels, parental pressure, and to speed at which any situation can go viral with the explosion of social media.
I have to admit hearing my parents' voices resonating in my ears when I say or write anything that someone starts out with " back when I started out" or " in all the years I have been involved" . They come across as cliché catch phrases older people use to somehow indicate that things are easier today than back " in our time" . However, being middle-aged, I am not in that older category and I think I am rationale enough that I can subjectively compare how things have changed in close to 3 decades. Recently, I received the honor of being inducted into the Lac St Louis Soccer Region's Hall of Fame. While I did have some success in terms of results, I am lucid enough to know that I was not recognized based on my win-loss record or overwhelming number of championships but rather on the cumulative body of work that is my coaching career. I coached at 3 very different levels, coaching players of different generations all the while being an unapologetic advocate for women's sports. I had the privilege to work with close to 20 players who went on to represent Canada on the international stage, include one who after a successful playing career as the country's 3rd most capped player, 2 Olympic bronze medals, 4 world cups, this afternoon will be coaching Canada's U17 in a World Cup semi-final. I bring all this up, because I would like to thing that the biggest success in coaching for me has been the ability to stay relevant, to be able to adapt my style and message so that I could continue to reach athletes as their expectations and requirements changed. At not point, even towards the end of my coaching career did I take anything for granted or assume that there was nothing more I could learn. Staying relevant over time in every aspect of day to day life. There is always importance of remaining relevant in a changing world. Look hard enough and you can find examples of this in business, entertainment, sports and human interaction. For those of you who are younger, you may think this doesn’t apply to you. In fact, it does, more than to those who are older. After all, you will have more time and more of a need to adapt than those in my age bracket. There will be many more opportunities to either bury your head in the sand or look out onto the forward and prepare to adapt. When you look towards those in leadership roles around you, that you might be working or playing for, who you might make fun of, or criticize their decisions, might be you in the not to distant future unless you are open minded enough and ready do something different if and when required. Avoid getting trapped in the gears of the machine, and be ready plot your own course. Coaching female coach as a young male, with no kids on the team was not glamorous in the early 1990s. Many just leaped to the conclusion that it was either because I wasn't good enough to coach in the men's game or that I saw it as a way to meet girls. Early on, while I might not have shown the same confidence and willingness to speak up and out about gender bias an equity, I applied myself wholeheartedly to my coaching role. I became my own champion ( with some help from a few mentors and supporters along the way ) to improve myself as a coach. There were people, sometimes more than others, who saw what I was doing and trying to do and criticized, second guessed or or make fun of me. I soon took the attitude to avoid all individuals who belittled or couldn't understand my coaching ambitions. Small people always do that. I have made not secret that my path in coaching was very instrumental in helping me developed professionally and personally. That included being able to ensure that I always took steps to be at worst relevant to the changing times and at best somewhat avant-garde in my actions. If as a coach, you strive to be successful, to be better than just och, or good but been seen as a great coach ( for today, I was stay with GREAT as an all inclusive term and not debate the definition). you have to remain relevant. It all starts there. Successful coaches are more than great motivators. They are leaders, mentors, and teachers. They cultivate behaviors in their athletes that drive passion and performance. Observe coaches in action and there are traits that will jump out at you that are consistent among the very best. Athletes notice when commitment and passion comes from the top. Coaches who want their teams to put in the work, go beyond the simple minimum effort and take all the extra steps to success, will demonstrate their willingness to do the same. they set the standard for work ethic, then dare everyone on the team to keep up. Great coaches don't demand loyalty and blind obedience by the simple fact that they are the coach. The old school mindset that the coach is always right and athletes are expected to follow just because... are no longer valid today. Today's athletes need to know the “why” of decisions and when athletes understand how their intense training schedule supports the team’s greater goals, they’ll be more inclined to go the extra mile in practice and on game day. Great coaches have the ability to see beyond the X’s and O’s of skills and strategy. They will take take an interest in the lives of their athletes, which over time makes them better equipped to address their needs, help them grow, and cultivate a culture of excellence among them. Team culture can be contagious. When team members buy in, believe in what is happening, they become stronger advocates for maintaining the culture than you as a coach might ever be. Peer influence is a strong asset to nurture. Like with any leadership role, all of the technical knowledge in the world won’t help you if you can’t communicate it effectively. Take time to understand how your players learn and then tailor your instruction accordingly. The best coaches are able to deliver both criticism and praise in a way that’s well received and taken to heart. Success is a moving target. With some many factors that influence success being out of one's control, in order to remain relevant, coaches must commit to lifelong learning and continuous improvement. they must also strive to develop at a faster pace than their peers. Good coaches can oversee successful sport teams or programs and maintain their level of results. Great coaches build successful teams or programs that sustain a level of excellence through changing athletes, competitive realities and the simple passing of time. . Creativity is key to success as a coach by remain open to innovative ideas and teaching philosophies. Great coach. stay up-to-date on the latest sports technology and are not afraid to take risks and drive change. Great coaches make training challenging – physically, mentally, tactically, and emotionally. They plan workouts with great attention to detail. And they understand that every training session should provide the optimal environment in which athletes can reach their full potential. Every coach wants to win games, but not at the expense of skill development. Great coaches realize it’s about the team, not the man behind the bench. For me personally, coaching has always come down to two things, giving the athletes under my responsibility ( I hate using the expression " my athletes" although I am sure I slip sometimes) the best possible environment to excel and about personal growth for myself. Was I good, successful, great, relevant or some combination of those and more ? I will let other judge me on their selected criteria. Over the years, I have given many different forms of presentations or workshops on coaching and the role of coaches. As I have mentioned many times in different posts, one main foundation of my coaching philosophy is that the athletes always comes first, that it should always be about them. Another point I tend to share with young or aspiring coaches in the fact that while it is in everybody's nature to want to be liked, this can never be a overriding consideration when having to make decisions. By the simple nature of team sports, and being a coach, it means that many decisions, every the very best ones, will disappoint someone.
I always use the phrase, " it is more important to be respected and trusted than it is to be liked and popular". The reality is that if you manage to be the first two, the other two can usually but not always follow. However, even if you do everything right, the simple fact is that as the title for today's post says " And sometimes you just don't like you" A few years ago, a coaching peer and opponent who is also a good friend had his team going through an incredible 3 year run of success. They end up winning two national championships in three years, with a national bronze medal in between, combined 3 league and playoff titles and 4 straight indoor league titles. His teams put together a win - loss record that coaches can mostly fantasize about. We were talking before a game and he started telling me how he was having conduct issues with two players who had bad attitudes because they felt the coach wasn't playing them as much as they deserved. They felt they were better than players on the field. Given all the team's success, the coach could easily point out that he must be doing something right, and yet his players felt they had legitimate complaints. Imagine, just think what this must be like on less successful teams where the athletes can use the validation that if they were playing, maybe the team would win more. The point of that little story? Simply, the fact is that on every team, you will have weaker, less talented players and in some cases, rather than take accountability for their lack of playing time, they will put it on the coach. I have lived many examples of players who "liked" me strictly based on their playing time and it was interesting how quickly their level of like could change as their playing time did. It is something that every coach of every team, especially the most competitive ones has to deal with. Tough players and tough situations are a reality of competitive sports and coaching and dealing with them is a must. No coach ever truly wants to deal with tough coaching situations or more commonly, problem athletes. Soon or later, you are going to run into that one athlete who will make you wonder why you wanted to coach in the first place. Instinct tells you to get rid of this particular player. However, you should never dismiss any member of the team unless of course as a last resort. You will find as a coach that dealing with problem athletes is part of your job. This is not always an easy task, but you must keep in mind that no matter how many problems are created by one particular athlete, it’s your job to make possibly a difference in their life. The problem athlete can make you feel exhausted, and you must ensure that this does not affect your overall coaching techniques. No matter how frustrating it is in dealing with this one particular athlete, you have a whole team of individuals who are depending on you. No one said that coaching was easy. There will be players who will engage into a battle of wits with you. They purposely show up late for practice and workouts or possibly not wear their practice uniform, for example. They will exhibit rude and negative behavior that will truly get on your last nerve. You want to nip this in the tail early on because negative behavior being exhibited by one player can quickly infect the rest of your team. As a coach, you need to be on the lookout for these types of players, and there are particular traits these athletes contain.
You must exhibit extreme wisdom when dealing with problem athletes. Sometimes you are dealing with athletes who are no longer cared about not only by their families but the system. You do not want to give up on them for you might be their last hope for reformation. As a coach, you should be a shinning example for all your athletes, especially the troubled ones. Always be on your best behavior around your team, therefore, showing them a great role model. You cannot expect your players to practice good behavior when you don’t perform a good behavior, too. Enforce the rules to your team. You do not have to be your teams counselor, but you should stress that rules are to be followed and ensure that you are there, if your players need you, even if only to listen to them. You must determine which behaviors are to be addressed and which behaviors should be ignored. Problem athletes will stretch this limit for you, and you will often find yourself being greatly annoyed, but you are better off ignoring the annoyances while focusing your time and energy on positive behavior. Do not allow your ego to get in the way of dealing with problem athletes. Any experienced coach will inform you that your ego should not be the reason for kicking a player off the team. As I stated earlier, players deserve your time and concentration. Give the problem player a chance for you might be the only chance they have. And, after all that, if you do everything exactly as described, your teams win every game you every play, you are consistent, transparent, truthful, honest, sincere, inspiring, motivating and always put the needs of you athletes before anything else.... sometimes, they just don't like you ! Parent, teacher, coach, role model and mentor.
That list can describe different roles that individuals can have in the life of youth. In some cases, one person can be more than one of the above but regardless all of them are can be significantly influential as children become teenagers and then move onto adulthood. The purpose of today's post is not to compare what parents bring to their child's development compared to the other examples listed above. I will not say any one of the above is more important than the other but simply say that it is great when a child can be influenced by different and complimentary individuals in their lives. No, today, I just want to focus about coaching sport and accepting the responsibilities, all of the responsibilities that come with coaching. In my humble yet supported by years of actual experience in the field, opinion, coaching a team is one of the most demanding and rewarding jobs you will ever attempt. Along the way, you will experience a wide range of emotions from exasperation to exhilaration, and everything in between. Beyond the highs and lows from game to game and season to season, you will have the opportunity to play an influential role in the development of your players, both athletically and in their “off the field” lives as well. Many of the lessons you teach your players will stay with them for the rest of their lives. One of your most basic functions as a coach is to improve the skill level of your players. On the surface, this task is very straightforward. Your players will begin the season at a certain skill level, and under your guidance, their skill level should improve as the season progresses. If you simply set out to make each individual player better, you will find some success as a coach, but your team will be unlikely to reach its full potential. If you desire to truly coach a team instead of a group of individuals, you should focus on improving the team as a whole, not just improving each individual player. At the beginning of the season, set goals for the team and work towards achieving those goals as a group. You will win and lose as a team, so you should set goals for the entire team too. Teaching your players to give maximum effort for the team and put the good of the group above their own individual desires are lessons that will serve them well long after their athletic careers have ended. The role of a good coach is far more than simply organizing practices and managing games. If athletic skills and plays are the only things your players learn over the course of the season, then you will have missed a golden opportunity to truly make an impact in their lives. Coaches can sometimes fill a variety of roles in their players’ lives, acting as everything from mentor to role model to substitute parent. These roles carry significant responsibility, as your players will look to you for so much more than just athletic instruction. Younger players may look up to you as a parental figure, while older players will come to you for advice in various aspects of their lives. Most coaches cherish these roles and find them very rewarding. If you are a coach and have read to this point and none of the above resonates with you in any way, then I think you are really not cut out to be a coach... I could be wrong but..... One of the hallmarks of a well-coached team is that the team’s performance is far greater than the sum of its parts. Fashioning a group of individuals with varying attributes and skill-levels into a cohesive unit that exceeds the sum of its parts is one of the most difficult tasks coaches face. Coaches that motivate their players to play together as a cohesive unit, putting the good of the team above individual goals, will find success. Such teams often play an effective and entertaining style that is difficult to overcome. Learning to excel as a member of a team is a lesson that serves athletes well in so many facets of their lives. To be a good coach, you must understand how to manage the individuals on your team. Unsurprisingly, different players will respond differently to different coaching methods. In order to maximize the team’s performance, you must understand how to best motivate and train each individual player. Additionally, many of your players will look to you as a mentor. With this role comes tremendous responsibility. Make sure you are guiding them down the appropriate path. Over the course of the season, your team will likely begin to take on your personality, so make sure you are conducting yourself in an honorable manner. Playing a sport is hard work. In today's society, the issue of health and wellness are such important notions that are making their way into different branches of everyday life, not just sport. As we read about childhood and adult obesity both rising at a steady clip, sports are exactly the type of activity that many people need in their lives now more than ever. By teaching your players that exercise can be fun and beneficial rather than just another chore, you can influence them to exercise regularly and live a healthy lifestyle for the rest of their lives. The discipline brought about by healthy living will benefit your athletes for years to come. In order to get the best performance out of your players both as individuals and as components of the larger team, you cannot ignore the mental aspects of the game. Many talented players will fail to reach their potential due to mental obstacles, such as poor confidence or fear of failure. A good coach will build their players up and instill confidence in them, helping them overcome any hurdles in front of them. A confident player is far more likely to succeed. Confidence in athletic competition quickly spreads to other aspects of players’ lives, building up the self-esteem and self worth with which many young people struggle. Regardless of the level at which you are coaching, remember that it is still a game. By their very nature, games should be fun. Too many coaches lose sight of this simple fact in their pursuit of winning at all costs. You must find the appropriate balance between player development, finding success and having fun. If the coach is not having fun, then the players likely will not be having fun either. As a coach, your attitude is contagious among your players. Make sure you are staying positive, and your team will too. Good coaches take many different forms. A perfect coaching model simply does not exist. Just like many great players come equipped with different sets of abilities and attributes, many great coaches have used very different styles and approaches to find equal measures of success. No coach is perfect, and each one will make many mistakes along the way. The key is to learn from your mistakes and continually strive to become the best coach that you can be. So remember, as a coach, what you say, how and when you say can truly impact the athletes that have been given into your care for a season or longer. Be proud to be a coach, but accept the responsibility that comes with it. Keep in mind, coach = coach, teacher, mentor and role model. Like many kids of my generation, before the age of specialization in youth sports. I participated in a variety of organized sports. Yes, soccer was probably the constant through of my childhood times but I also participated at different points in hockey, sailing, swimming, water polo, golf and track. I discovered wrestling in high school but I will expand on that a little later. Like most huge sports fans, the wall of my room were plastered with posters of different athletes but I never aspired or imagined sports would be a defining part of my life. I was not generally that most talented is any specific sport not the most athletically gifted but without being a superstar in any way, I found a way to excel in most sports, and I had a collection of trophies and medals as proof.
If I was able to succeed in sports it came down to two areas where I think I was able to stand out among teammates, peers and opponents. First of all, I was competitive, very competitive! Without being overtly demonstrative, I was hard on myself. I never backed down from a challenge and was ready to to make the most of my ability by outworking and outlasting my opponents. Secondly. and this is probably a trait that has served me well throughout the course of my life, I was able to keep my calm through some stressful and high anxiety moments. I never panicked and always look at even situation as solving to be analyzed and solved. When I was still in high school, I came across the poem " IF " by Rudyard Kipling and it really resonated with me. If you know the poem, great than as your read this post you might understand why I identify with it. If you don't know it, I invite you to google the entire poem but I will share the first stanza of it If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: I was neither a popular kid or outcast in high school by any means. In fact overall, I can honestly say that I had a great time in high school even though today as an adult, I can reflect back and realize that I was far from being or even knowing who I was or could become. I had friends, and was in the “middle group”, one could say. I have a prior blog post written a little in jest but that certainly described how today I think of myself being in high school. You can find that post called the "Low Key Nerd" via this link apparently-i-might-just-be-a-low-key-nerd-or-some-i-am-told.html So as I mentioned above, in high school, I discovered wrestling, It is one of those sports where you train among teammates but compete fully on your own. Too small for football, the ultimate cool high sport, and taking part in two other sports with little exposure or success at our high school ( soccer and track), it was wrestling where I quickly excelled. Our high school had a very reputed wrestling team and we competed in two leagues while participating in tournaments around the province. In grade 9, I went 85-0, undefeated for the entire season, league matches, tournaments and provinces but since most of the events took place off campus, I was not seen in competition and most of my exploits went unnoticed. In grade 10, finances forced the school to reduce investment in wrestling and we cut back on the number of events and the team folder all together for my final year of high school. I continued to wrestle via a club but since it was run after school and on weekends, I missed a lit of the fun parts of my graduating year. I started feeling increasingly separated from my classmates. Extended absences for competitions with the wrestling club saw long standing friendships began to fall away as new cliques and couples formed and I was not up to date with all the fun that my classmates were having at what seemed like weekly parties. A possible girlfriend was not on the radar with 3 practices a week and tournaments almost every weekend. The few school dances I was able to attend were awkward. A significant part of my final year of high school seemed like a blur and in some ways still does. However, somehow, I had a certain standing with my group of friends and classmates in general. I was seen as the joker, the guy who seemed to do well academically with seemingly little effort and of course there was the wrestling which was an area where I excelled significantly. I would return from tournaments and word would spread about my success. I could be found lifting in the weight room or jogging on the make shirt track on a mezzanine above our school gym. Classmates knowing it had something to do with my wrestling but not fully getting it. Mondays after big tournaments weren’t so bad. Upon arrival at school I would receive a ton of questions from my friends about how things how gone during the tournaments, regional ones, city ones, provincials and nationals. The summer between Grade 11 and the start of cegep, I went on a french language summer program for 7 weeks, just 3 hours away from home in Quebec City but for all intents and purposes it could've been on the other side of the globe since it was long before emails, cell phones, facetime and the internet. I lost all contact with friends. As we all moved onto into cegep many of my closer friends who had seemingly all participated in sports while in school, stopped. A few continued or played on summer teams but sports remained an important part of my life. I played 3 years of cegep soccer, continued with my club team into the senior ranks, wrestled for 3 additional years including going two national championships. My life was changing quickly and unexpectedly, and those around me noticed. I was completely disinterested in academics, doing just enough to maintain my eligibility for soccer. I found myself moving away from close friends, no longer seemingly willing to conform to the expectations my entourage had of me ( or maybe it was what I perceived they expected of me). I found myself questioning who I was, who I wanted to be, lacking trust in my instincts, and most importantly thinking that somehow, my new outlook on life made me incompatible with my long time friends. As things continued to evolve for me inside, the outside no longer resonated. I thought of myself as an academic failure because I couldn't maintain my usual 80% average with the minimal amount of studying. I sought out new friends who could get me. Started wondering why I never was able to find the right girlfriend, that maybe those around me had seen through the facade I always thought I put out and had discovered me to be a fraud... .so I started acting accordingly. Many of my friends moved onto university and my parents started to panic, that I was falling behind, that I would never find a good job or make something of myself. I managed to finish my cegep degree, took a year off school and slowly started to find some balance. Through this all, soccer remained. I found a new team to play with, and rediscovered my ultra competitive self. The success fed my confidence and the confidence fueled my drive. I went to watch some female friends playing with their team and spotted a new player on their team, I romanticize the moment I first saw her a bit I am sure but it was like I light went on. It took a while for me to get to ask her out, but once I did, we have been together ever since ( 32 years and counting). So soccer, one can say, really had an impact on my life since it led me to meeting my wife. I was not ready and motivated to get on with my life. I enrolled in university fully intending to get through it quickly ( I finished my degree in two and half years) but injury prevented me from playing university soccer and not long after ended my playing career at the age of twenty-five.... but.. coaching, ah coaching.... this new chapter started out of not being able to play, attending all my fiance's games and still loving the sport with a burning passion. It wasn’t long before I found myself back on the field, in the new role of coach. I started out with so much success as a coach, league and provincial titles, medal at nationals, being asked to coach our provincial team, work with national team hopefuls at the training center. It was one step forward after another. I had never had that much success in sports, nor experienced that kind of high. But the process of my evolution as a person started to dictate how I was as a coach.T hat something that had changed within me was only changing more, exponentially, as it wasn't about having a singular focus on wins and losses, out competing everyone, but about finding my voice and my passion. I could no longer play the sport, but my coaching allowed me to give back in ways I had never imagined. I was no seen as a trend setter, someone who chose to coach female sports, who was apologetically advocating for equitable treatment, resources and support for female soccer. I learned to see the game and sport in general in a new way. It wasn't just about the results but about giving back, providing opportunities for younger generations to develop skills they could take with them belong their playing days. There was a bigger picture and I was in my own little play filling in some of the missing pieces. I stood for something, I was known for something. it gave my confidence, it gave me purpose and it helped me grow as a person. My calmness in the face of stress and adversity remained an asset. Everything was always a teachable moment, a chance to learn and teach, a chance to discover something new. Most importantly, I learned that it wasn't about being driven by the need to prove myself, but rather to take pride in what I was doing. To accept that I could only control about doing my very best and worrying about the things within my control. Others would judge me and my efforts through their own perceptions and I couldn't be worried and guided by others' judgements. I wonder what would happen to sports and even life in general if people had less urgency to prove themselves through performance and claiming victory; if they cared less about winning, pushing themselves hard, and seeking approval in the eyes of another; if they could enjoy the process and learn from their experiences without fearing failure at every turn. If you listen carefully to professional athletes you will hear their need to prove speak loud and clear. How many times have you heard an athlete say, “I still have something to prove”? Where is this need to prove coming from? What motivates their intense drive to achieve? Perhaps they are still trying hard to make their parents proud. Maybe they, unconsciously, want to receive just one loving blessing from their mother or father to prove they are worthy. Maybe they believe that without external validation from high performance they are not enough. From my experience in leadership roles whether in coaching or management, I’ve discovered that the insecurities that come with believing you are not (good) enough, worthy, or lovable, are common core worried shared by a lot of people. For many, as it was with me as I went from teenager to young adult, these unconscious beliefs make it hard for anything to ever be enough. Until you feel enough in yourself, standing in a felt, embodied-sense of self-absurdness, the fear of failure, disappointment and what others' might thing of you will keep driving you forward. Until your need to prove lessens, and you are able to live in the moment and take things as they come, you may always be left starving for more or worrying about what might go wrong instead of thinking about what is going right. Even speaking for myself,I ’m not “there” yet, nor am I sure I ever will be. I have stopped coaching, that thing I did for so long that gave me so much that I wonder where will I get that drive from, what will fuel the voice I have discovered, and what will keep my waking up each day looking ahead to new and exciting challenges. Truth is that life sometimes, on its own, can never give us what we want all the time. However by keeping an open mind to the possibilities, do we discover something new and avoid getting caught in routines that make life seem frustrating. Remain calm, not being overly expressive of one's feelings and showing vulnerability does not mean being weak, spineless or without ambition. You will still try to do your best, strive for excellence, and grow as an athlete, businessperson and individual; but you will be driven less by worry of failure or not living up to others' expectations. Instead, your actions will come from a desire to give more than take; from a sense of purposefulness drawn a sense of purpose that even is small ways, you can make a difference. For me this came from the discovery of engaging in sport via coaching, something that I never imagined and bringing those experiences into my life with a similar sense of purpose. Ok so that isn't the real saying, it actually goes, " When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" . It has been used for years as a phrase meant encourage optimism and a positive can-do attitude in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons suggest sourness or difficulty in life; making lemonade is turning them into something positive or desirable. Taken at face value, I guess it is meant to say that if you don't like lemons, somehow you will still enjoy lemonade. Well I like anything lemon flavored so I am good either way but I will take it as the starting point to write about deadline with adversity in sports primarily but I guess it can apply in a general sense to life.
So let's start of with the obvious, sometimes and in some case often times, life is not fair. Even when you make all the right choices, do everything as it should be done, bad things still happen. Adversity is a part of life. Everyone encounters difficult situations. Some even encounter tragedies. Whether in sport or in life in general, hardships are the circumstances that define us as people and gives us a story to tell. However let's keep things in perspective, adversity in sport, something like not getting playing time is relatively minor in comparison to some of the things people are faced with in life, illness, death, famine, wars to name a few. When faced with adversity, there are generally two possible outcomes. Either you beat it or it beats you. Overcoming adversity does two things for athletes. It helps them grow as an athlete AND as a person. Teams and individuals both have to learn to be resilient. As an individual athlete, you have to overcome things such as injuries or “choking”. As a team you may have to overcome a losing streak or slump. Resilience is how efficiently you recover from difficult circumstances or tragedies. One does not only face adversity once in life. Adversity comes and goes as do the obstacles that you face. It is said that the quickest path to get somewhere is in a straight line. This is not the case with success however. In order to be successful, there will be times when you might have to take “ a few steps forward", then "a few steps back or sideways" before reaching an objective. Failures happen. The most important part is that you keep going and use the failures as teachable moments. Whether dealing with adversity in your personal life or adversity in sports, you can’t control what happens in life, but you can control how you deal with it. Anyone can remain positive when everything is going fine, but adversity is what tests your true capabilities. So let me begin with a few ways I think ( and I am quite sure others will agree) you shouldn’t deal with adversity. Don’t play the “blame” game. Own your mistakes. You can’t blame the referee for making the bad call. You can’t blame the weather, crowd, or your teammates for things gone wrong. Although there are circumstances outside of your control in both life and a game situation, there is one element you can control, yourself. Despite everything going wrong, you can choose to develop a game plan to overcome the obstacles or accept defeat. Even defeat is not a complete failure. Good and bad exist simultaneously. In every situation, there is good and bad news. It is up to you which side you focus on. With every loss, you must remember that there are lessons learned that can be taken from it. You learn from your mistakes, make adjustments and move on. Don’t lose your temper. By losing your temper, you are showing the crowd, the opponent, and everybody else that you know you blew it. You are also showing them that you are out of control. Losing your temper does nothing but distract you at the task at hand and leave you unprepared for the next step or play. For example, you get yourself in a position to take a shot on goal. you miss completely. You drop your shoulders, retreat into a bubble of being pissed at yourself, don't get back on defense, and don't even pay attention as the game continues around you. You’re adrenaline is pumping and you are dwelling on your mistake. However, this is not what you want to be doing. What you want to be doing is calming down so you are at ease for the next opportunity. In that moment you are pissed and not focused, you might miss chances to score and send a message to everyone else that you are checked out. Sometimes the anticipation is too much to bear. There’s a common phrase, “wanting something so bad it hurts”. Sometimes in a competitive sports setting, the athlete wants something so bad that it hinders their performance. They spend too much time, thinking about it and envisioning the outcome, then what to do to actually achieve the desired outcome. However, this is a step in the right direction. When trying to achieve any goal, you should envision it- but momentarily so as not to lose focus on the process. You picture it, then let the image go so you can complete the goal. In life and on the field, you should love the battle. Much can be learned from adversity in sports settings.Eventually, everyone faces some level of adversity in an sector of life (work, school, sport, etc.). Instead of dwelling on “why me?” and “what now?’’, you should embrace the battle. It’s the battles that are going to give the strength and the confidence that will define you as a person and a player. It is impossible to prepare for every possible situation you will face whether in sport or life. There are so many factors that affect anything we do or attempt to do that are beyond our control that we can't possibly always be ready for everything. Dealing with adversity is about being prepared, having the best possible attitude and being flexible enough to adapt to changing situations as they happen. Attitude is key to everything, you must have an open mind a positive attitude and be prepared to roll with change and make the best of it. The minute we start getting down on ourselves, the minute we play head games and mess with our plan, or let uncontrollable forces mess with us, we are done and nothing good can happen. As an athlete, you have to make the right choices. All you can do is keep working hard, train smart, eat well, get good rest, and keep mental focus and positive thoughts going. Once you derail from that and get down over a bad training session or bad game / performance then you are just getting in your own way of being able to accomplish whatever it is that you have worked so hard for. In my life whether work, sports of personal exchanges, I have always found that one powerful mindset is to keep everything in perspective. In life, very few things are completely "wrong" or "right" "Wrong" and "right," especially in regards to success in sports, are relative terms. Too often, we think of "success" as an end. It's some destination that we have to reach. What so many people fail to realize is that there is as much "success" in the journey, as there is in the ultimate objective You are always successful when you are walking your path, getting to play your sport, training the right way, improving as an athlete ( and person, always learning, always growing. You are being successful when you see every moment as an opportunity. Too much of today's reality is focused on instant gratification, the need to get success right away and thinking that any obstacle is some sort of permanent blockage to success. Too many athletes see themselves as being stuck at the first sign of adversity or disappointment. They thing that because it isn't working out this instant there is nowhere else to go, and they feel like they will never reach the desired destination of "success." The reason why so many people struggle with this is because it means taking accountability. It is so, so easy to sit back and blame one's situation on others, the coach who won't give playing time, the teammates who don't pass you the ball, the refs who dislike you and call everything against you etc. This is the same as blaming other people for how you feel, or your personal issues. Just like a mirror, if you point, your reflection will point back. If you feel like you aren't learning anything, that is nobody's fault but yours. Chances are, someone around you knows something you don't--and it's on you to ask them questions. It's on you to create moments of growth and opportunity. It's on you to pay attention to the little things around you. It's on you to create your own gaps, and it's on you to take your own leaps of faith. Growth is rarely the result of the people in your vicinity. Growth is the result of how you utilize the people around you, and create opportunities for yourself. So when you are involved in sports, never assume you know everything, never get complacent or take things for granted and never wait for others to make you achieve success. Really, that goes for all parts of life. Be bold enough to make your own success ! The news and social media seem constantly full of stories about athletes, professional and non-pros who have issues beyond the playing surface which we can simply deem as running anywhere from unacceptable to criminal. As long as sports have been covered, we have heard stories where athletes of considerable talent seem to get a pass when it comes to behavioral issues. There will always be the perception that as long as an athlete performs and is successful, allowances will be made for his or her conduct.
Every team has players who somehow feel that the coaches have favorites, those players that are allowed to bypass certain rules and yet still get playing time. Most coaches at some point face the dilemma of having a top athlete they count on, someone who is a difference maker, break a team rule that would normally merit consequences and having to decide if they should apply or not. In a win at all costs reality, the above situations are amplified. I have never coached at the professional level so I can't really relate to it nor do i feel comfortable sharing an opinion of how coaches should be proceed, however at the non-pro level, speaking from experience, I would say that as a coach, it is important to always be consistent and transparent in decision making and as the saying goes, "manage to the norm and deal with the exception". When it comes to deciding the type of player you as a coach want on a team that you are in charge of, whether via recruitment or player selection, I have always believed that it is important to evaluate the individual more than simply the athlete. If you do your due diligence properly, you were more often than not be able to detect the warning signs that at some point down the road, a potential athlete you are considering might become a problem case. Of course, sometimes, even after when you take all the time available to properly vet someone, you might make a mistake, however if you have a clear idea of the type of individual you want on your team, more often than not, you will get it right and when mistakes do happen, it will the exception and then you deal with it on a case by case basis. So how do I suggest living up to the idea of "recruit the individual and coach the athlete" ? Recruiting is all about the relationship. The most important thing I can tell you about the recruiting process is to develop a relationship with a athlete directly. If you seem to spend as much time going through their current coach(es) or parents, then it is hard to properly evaluate what kind of individual you are dealing with. From experience, I will say that a lot of times that’s what separated the athletes who seemed like they might have some interesting potential and did ok from those that excelled and were model student-athletes in my program. In today's reality, there are a lot of organizations selling cookie cutter templates on what athletes looking to get recruited should do and how they should do it. These services say they will talk for the athlete and use their resources and contacts to give athletes a chance to be seen and evaluated. But what most don’t realize is that a lot of coaches are skeptical of these services because after all, they are business who profit from placing athletes on teams or with universities. They are there to promote their clients. It is not much different than a parent who oversells their child as being the next " great one" except that their is profit in play. I rarely responded to message sent to me by recruiting entities or even parents, I wanted to be in touch with the individual themselves, their email, or cell phone, that’s it. I know tons of coaches that don’t open any mail if they see it’s from an outside service. Back in the day, before there was email recruiting, information was sent via snail mail. That’s through the post office for you young bucks out there. Building a relationship with a potential athlete or student-athlete in the recruiting process is like anything else. When you need banking information or a medial opinion, you wouldn’t go through a third party whose sole purpose is to charge your for being a conduit. No, if you know what you are doing, you would go directly to the source of the info you are looking for. You want your information to come straight from them. It’s the same with recruiting. You want to get your information from a singular source and normally it’s from the source you’re trying to acquire. In the recruiting or athlete selection process, this would be the individual in question. You’d be a rich person if you got a penny for every time I mentioned the word relationship when talking about recruiting with my athletes. I need you to understand that you’re trying to create a dialogue with these athletes. You’re doing whatever it takes to get that conversation rolling. It’s hard to do that on a regular basis if you have to go through someone else to get the message out. Like with any form of communication, the more filters there are between you and the individual you are trying to reach, the higher the chance that your message will get distorted, or the return information gets manipulated in order to conform to someone's expectation that might differ from those of the future athlete you hope to be coaching one day. In today's reality, plans, goals objectives and focus can change from year to year. How a potential athlete sees their involvement in sport, what they are looking for out of a student-athlete experience might be very fundamentally different within a few short months. In the 16 years I coaches at the university level, a saw a who range of reasons ( or excuses ) why certain potential student-athletes chose or didn't choose certain universities. and to be quite honest, some made absolutely no sense to me. However, in trying to develop a good level of communication and start building that relationship, it did two important things. First, it builds a relationship with the athlete where you feedback and opinion might help he or she navigate through the decision making process. Secondly, it can give you as a coach the chance to interact with individual on a non-sport level, understanding what makes them tick, what they see as important in their future, how they need to be dealt with, etc. The biggest thing about customizing an approach for an athlete on an individual / personal level is to evaluate where they are in the recruiting process today. How far along are they in the process, what factors will play into their decision, how reliant are they on their parents or other influential members of their entourage, how set are they on their academic, athletic and even personal goals. Getting answers to these can often give you insight into the type person you are dealing with. It’s just like setting a goal and having a plan to execute it. To get from A to Z, there are some steps in the middle to make it happen. Evaluating an athlete on their sport specific skills is easy, you watch them play live, you watch video, you can even test their fitness level and sport ability by having them train alongside you current athletes, the tough part is trying to figure out how they are as people. The recruiting process is like a job interview, the potential " candidate" is going to do everything possible to put their best foot forward, give you a long list of examples of why they are a good fit, why they are qualified etc. However, how can you test how they might react in tough, stressful situation full of adversity? How will be when instead of being the best athlete on their team, they are now one of the many good athletes on yours? So once you recruit the right individual, now the coaching begins. So how do you coach the athlete now ? A team’s success is mostly measured by its season record and overall amount of victories, yet winning is only a minor part of success. Success alone does not make a team great until it is paired with effective coaching. Effective coaching runs deeper than wins and losses, it also includes reaching athletes on an individual level. Coaches who focus on positive, personal relationships with their athletes are ensuring success beyond their record on the field. Relationships ( there is that word again ) are the foundation of coaching and even though a relationship is a two-way street, it’s the coach’s responsibility to pursue a real relationship with their athletes. Coaches hold a place of respect and authority, but still feel reachable enough for athletes to open up and view their coach as a role model or mentor. The challenge of coaching is balancing rationale and logic along with empathy and emotional awareness. A strong coach-athlete relationship is important not only for the athlete’s growth as a positive, ethical and moral person, but for the team’s performance as a whole. Coaches who value and focus on effective, personal relationships with their athletes are guaranteed benefits regardless of wins and scores because they will have helped to influence positive moral and ethical behaviors. Through strong relationships and a consistent, transparent approach to coaching, young athletes will develop as people and play better as a team. The skills an effective coach possesses revolve around honesty and positivity. Coaches who genuinely want to connect with their athletes need to be empathetic and understanding. They must accept, support and respect their athletes as well as the people around them. They must realize that being a role model is a 24/7 job. Approachable and interested coaches will attract players, both those interested in a relationship and those who don’t know if they want one. Sometimes athletes won’t respond and sometimes they will. It is really about going more than halfway and giving athletes every chance to build a possible relationship. The coach-athlete relationship is considered particularly crucial because of its effect on the athlete. Young athletes are susceptible to the effects of their surrounding environment and to the ideas of others, making the coach-athlete relationship critical to the development of athletes as professionals as well as sports participants. If a coach is obsessed with victory and their sole goal is winning, they may be able to reach that goal. However, it comes with the strong possibility of introducing ethical and professional dilemmas. Success without effective relationships produces athletes with ability, but with no personal growth. Coaches must understand their job isn’t just about physical progress, it’s about setting their young athletes up for success in life. A lack of interest, remoteness, deceit and pessimism are key characteristics to avoid as a coach. Apathy and irritability set a poor example to be followed and lead to ineffective relationships. These characteristics do not provide a healthy foundation for positive relationships, and exploit malleable minds in pursuit of victories on the field, when the real victories are found in teamwork and personal connections. When an individual is strengthened, the team is strengthened. Genuine relationships between athletes and coaches generate more trust, better communication and a winning attitude. An open line of communication helps everyone be more honest with one another, which leads to stronger training, athletic progress and personal growth. Winning will become a byproduct of relationships the team and coach/coaches have created with one another. Victories, success, winning or goals measured through numbers are attainable without relationships, but that has its drawbacks. Coaches become remote and distant, and players adopt a “win at any cost” attitude, characterized selfishness and poor sportsmanship. By promoting a positive competitive environment, athletes can have the opportunity for unlimited personal growth both on and off the field. So if you've made it this far and I haven't lost your interest, what does all of this mean ? In a nutshell, it means putting in the time to bring athletes who are good people onto your team, then build a coach-athlete relationship that puts the athletes, every athlete in a position to succeed. In the end, each individual has the choice how to process and control over their own destiny and this might mean that some athletes can't, won't or don't want to succeed, regardless of your best efforts and intentions. You need to accept this reality. However, if you do the work upfront, taking the time to get to know your potential future athletes as individuals first, more often that not you will just have to focus on working with them as athletes and not dealing with off field issues. Inspired by the various "letter to my younger self" site, I revisit the subject of sharing what I might say to the high school version of myself. I had posted a couple of these in the past, related to the start of my coaching career, but today I go a little further back.
If I were to be able to get in touch with my starting grade 11 self, it would probably go something like this..... Dear 17 year old Jorge Well, here you are, at the start of your final year of high school. You probably think of it as the end of a great chapter of your life and are starting to look ahead to cegep and beyond. I know. You already know what you’re doing and you don’t need anyone’s help. I understand your point, believe me. I am not asking for much. You don’t even need to take this advice but please give me a few minutes and hear me out. I write to provide guidance, support, love, strength, and perspective as you start to navigate this final year of high school. You will come to realize that there is no precise map, manual or GPS navigation system ( just for the record this is a very cool device that we have today, an automated map on computers and phones that are basically automated maps, but that is a story for another day) to travel along your life's road and help guide you at the various crossroads and intersections. You've come a long way since you started high school, you have a better idea of who you are, you have remained committed to your wrestling even though the school's team folded and you are starting to get a little stressed looking ahead to the grad and who you might invite. So here is my first piece of advice, don't conform, don't feel the need to always fit in and meet the expectations of everyone else. I know you consider yourself an introvert , shy and a loner, and trust me, this is still the case for the 35 years later version of yourself but that is ok. Be confident in who you are. High school is a time of change and this is even more so the truth for the final year. It will be for you, you will go through some ups and downs and to be very honest, it won't get better in some ways for cegep but you will get through it all in pretty good shape. Whether you want to or not, you will change. You will make decisions and choices that will either build you up or tear you down. But don’t let those choices define you. If you mess up, own it. Embrace your mistakes and understand why they happened but don’t let them turn into a habit. Mistakes are easy to fix- habits are hard to break. Yes will be especially true of your academic choices, you are going to have parents and teachers giving you advice about what you should study based on your marks, make sure you make the right choice for you and not for them. High School is a time to make mistakes so don’t try so hard. Focus on figuring yourself out and actually studying for your midterm and final exams rather than cramming always at the last minute and relying on your memory. Although I know school is probably the least of your worries right now. You are fully focused on getting a date to grad, attending that party, and figuring out how to get the attention of that new girl that moved in last year. You are really going to want her to be your grad date and if that is the case, go for it on your terms, don't let others decide who might make the best date for you, don't wait until everyone else starts finding their dates. But let me remind you, who you take to grad will in all likelihood not define your worth. A few of your classmates will find their soulmates and long term spouses in this final year and other couples you think are so strong and destined to last, won't. You are strong than you give yourself credit for, you are smarter than you letter others see and more importantly, you are independent. You're going to miss a lot of parties in this final year because of your wrestling and that is ok. The commitment and dedication that sports will give you is going to serve you for many years... they still define you today. So go hangout with your friends. Go drive around with the music blasting. Those are the memories you’ll look back on. And grad, it's a big party but it’s over rated anyways so stop stressing. There will be times on your journey when you experience grief, pain, doubt, fear, and confusion. Understand you are never alone. The sun will always rise no matter how dark the previous night. How you get through the various challenges life will throw at you; the struggle, trauma, disappointment, and pain become tools you need to build greatness. We as human beings tend to make our only opportunity at life more complicated than it needs to be; in the process distracting us from living our most authentic and best lives today filled with intent, meaning, and purpose. When we put our notions of fortune, happiness, fame, and success aside and get to the core of humanity…it all seems like this constant search and discovery to feel accepted, loved, valued and appreciated. The hardest battle you will have to fight is to live in a world where every single day someone is trying to make you be a person you do not want to be. Other people’s expectations, opinions, and validation of you will consume a large part of your life. Be mindful and act immediately in controlling your destiny and taking back your life. When high school comes to a close and you move, meet new people, make new friends and expand your horizons, you will find yourself at a few points of your life thinking that everything is finally starting to fall into place, only to find yourself at the start of something else. As you are your friends navigate cegep and university, the learning curves will vary, some will get through everything with the same stellar academic record they have always gotten, some who struggled in high school will find their paths and thrive and others used to succeeding will feel lost and struggling. You may be one of these, so take a breath. Use your resources and remember that everything happens for a reason. Sure, that’s cliche, but you will end up where you are supposed to end up and nothing about university is permanent. Don’t stress about the things you can’t control. Heed the words, when you are 40 or 50 years old, whether you finished university at 22 or 24 won't really matter in the big scheme of things. These words should be important to you and as you get older, you will be in a role where you just might find yourself using them to guide others. And before you know it, high school and cegep will be over over and you might find yourself having less and less contact with your close circle of friends and when you do cross paths you might end up reminiscing about the good and bad memories high school holds. But that’s all it is, a memory. During the last few years, you somehow changed. You evolved and here you are about to venture on a whole new journey. Your life is different now, whether you like it or not. So cherish those moments and embrace the change. You can’t choose the life you have, so you might as well embrace it. These will be some of the best and worst days of your life. But if I can share some perspective with you, I will say love your life and cherish the moments because before you know it, you’ll blink and they’ll be nothing but a memory to look back on. Focus on what really matters and don’t forget to make it count. Now, before I go any further, I want to provide this truth…sometimes life is not fair, things don't work out how you want, no matter how hard to try to make it so and people will at times disappoint you. You will feel the pressure to conform to expectations, finish university, get a good job, meet a nice girl, get married and build a life with her. As an aside, unless you really screw things up, those will all happen although maybe not in the order you hoped or expected It's very possible it would be until you are 45 years old that after many job and careers changes you finally find your place. But along your journey, you will lose sight of who you are at times because the external world will relentlessly attempt each day you are alive to sell and tell you what you should or should not be. Always be kind and unconditionally loving to the reflection in the mirror and remain aware not to allow a negative thought to turn into a lengthy negative conversation. You will learn that the journey of life is about discovering and rediscovering who you are. Life is about not being afraid to reinvent yourself and turning your perceived and real failures into learning opportunities. You are going to discover that while you might considered yourself an introvert and shy you can be a successful leader of others. However, before you lead others, you must learn the discipline to lead yourself, find your voice and your value system upon which you will base your decisions and actions. Self-leadership is a daily process of intention, courage, passion, discipline, and perseverance. Not a spontaneous, spur of the moment impulse. Life does not have dress rehearsals. The physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial habits you practice consciously or unconsciously every day either will move you forward or backward in creating the life you envision for yourself. Material possessions that you will acquire over time will age, break and become obsolete Memories and serving others will last forever. Whichever field and career you pursue understand people need to know that they matter. They need to know what they do is noticed. They need to know their efforts, whatever they might be, are not in vain. As I close out this letter, I want to leave you with a few words, hopefully of wisdom that can guide you for a while. Start by realizing there will never be a perfect time on your journey to make those bold moves or decisions. So make it part of who you are to be ready to adjust, adapt and boldly take on every challenge put in front of you. Don't get comfortable in the moment, take anything for granted or assume there is only one way to process. Life is not a sprint, but rather a marathon and the finish line is far towards the horizon. There will be moments along your life when something will end or chance and you will question how do you get through it, what happens next. You are going to accomplish some pretty great things, things that at this moment you can't even imagine being equipped to handle, along the way, some people will praise you and others will despise and criticize. Life is never all great or all bad and it is always what you make of it. Some of your entourage will think you don't care, or are standoffish because you will learn the value of keeping an even keel in the fact of adversity. Some will view you as nonchalant or not motivated, but that is your strength, not fitting into expectations of others. I am happy with my life today and I know you will one day get to this point and much of what I share with you today will make sense, until then, be brave and bold. Jorge, 2018 This past weekend I attended the 2018 USport National Women's Soccer championships. The eight top women's university soccer teams vying for the national title for themselves and their respective conferences.
Between 2003 and 2015, I attended the championship each year as a non-participating coach. For a majority of those years, under the previous structure, the championship included the annual AGM of the women's soccer coaches association ( of which I was the president for 6 years). It was a chance for coaches across Canada to get together and discuss relevant topics to the women's game and vote on proposed changes or regulations to the championships themselves. It was also a great chance for many coaches to get together as friends over dinner and drinks and discuss shared experiences. Over the years some enduring friendships developed between myself and other coaches. Circumstances made it impossible for me to attend the last two years however with this year's tournament taking place in Ottawa, it was a great chance to watch some great soccer and catch up with some friends. Even though there were quite a few who I have not seen in years, it didn't take long for the bonds to come through and all the factors that made us friends to show themselves. The coaching brotherhood is quite unique, we can be rivals, peers and friends all at the same time. In my 27 years of coaching, of course there were opposing coaches that I didn't particular get along with, or even agree with how they carried themselves but rarely did I have any real heated rivalry with anyone. I always respect my opponents for the simple fact that I could understand what they might be going through but most importantly, I developed some great friendship as I could separate them as people from being rival coaches. Seeing my former peers in person reminded me of the role that sports can play in developing long lasting friendships. Over my years of participating in sports either as player, coach, or administrator, the people that I consider some of my closest friends I’ve met through my involvement in sports. To this day, people that I have met via sports remain very close. It doesn't matter how much time might pass without seeing them, they remain what I consider close friends and with today ease of communication, there are always an email, text or DM away. Sports are a wonderful way of making friendships. I have seen many of my athletes who first met during recruiting visits or at training camp, develop friendships which have endured long after their playing days are done. Sports brought them together and sports is the link that binds them. As a player, you spend countless hours on a practice field or in game situations and you share those experiences with only a handful of people, teammates. You sweat together, fight with each other, compete for positions and playing time against one another, and sometimes hate your coach together for what they’ve put you through. As a coach, the rewards are many. The satisfaction you get when everything comes together and the players get the rewards for their hard work is like nothing else. Watching a player make an adjustment to their game or to correct a mistake that you’ve counseled them over warms your heart, even if you don’t get credit for it. If you work with them long enough you get to watch your young players turn in to young adults. You watch your players turn from someone you’ve mentored to someone you consider a friend. One of my favorite things is to run in to an old player and see how they’re doing in college or to attend one of their weddings or child’s birthday party. When I need help with either a sports-related problem or one in other parts of my life, sometimes the only people I feel comfortable talking to are other coaches that have shared similar experiences. We can share scouting reports, discuss player and parent issues, critique the recent performance of common referees, and share in each other’s success (when it’s not against “us”). The amount of time that we all spend together when traveling to tournaments, sitting on the sidelines between games or even winding down at the hotel help us to identify similar qualities and interests in each other that help to form and strengthen those friendships. As good as the friendships can be that you make through sports, there are also many friendships that have been soured or strained as a result of our involvement in sports. When a player begins to think that his individual performance outweighs the importance of team chemistry, his teammates may hold their resentment for his newfound attitude against him both on and off the field. When a group of teammates feel that they are the only ones that can make a difference on the outcome and keep the play to themselves, the results can be devastating to the team. There is plenty of opportunity for disagreement within a coaching staff that could lead to strained relationships. I can’t tell you how many times my assistant coaches and I have butted heads. If we didn’t have a solid base in our friendship and respect for each other’s opinions, our friendships and potential coaching relationships may have ended a long time ago. Then there’s the whole experience of having to make cuts. I used to have a mentor in business that told me “I’ve made a lot of bad hires in my time, but never a bad firing.” The same could be said for selecting the players for your team, except for the fact that you’re dealing with younger individuals who often times are so tied into their sports participation that it is important to understand the effect your selection will have on their lives. The ever-present concern over the amount of playing time your child gets or the way the coach handles her in a difficult situation because of a mistake on the field can lead to unfriendly confrontations between coach and parent. It’s the friendships that endure through those times that matter the most. When you a part of a team there is nothing more important than those relationships you build on the fields of battle. As I had once written before, coaching was something I did but not the sum total of who I am. Sports brought me together with others that I would never have met if not for my role in coaching and hopefully those friendships, the truly genuine ones will carry one even though I am no longer coaching. So, to Amit, Alex, Paul, José, Chad, Rob, Peyvand, Liz, Tracy, Jessie,Dean, Rob, and Beth who I had not seen is quite a while, I hope we stay in touch. I can never say never but I CAN say it is highly unlikely I will coach again, so while the soccer is done, I have our friendships built over time endure. |
AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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