The university sport season in Canada has started, football and soccer as always are the first to get going, but soon, athletes from these along with rugby, basketball and all the other sports will be on the fields, courts and rinks, training, preparing and working on their skills. One thing that every athlete and coach who has been involved in competitive sports knows is that no amount of preparation and practice can truly match the sensation that comes from games.
Game day ! two words that every athlete loves to hear and think about. Add to those two words, Season Opener or Home opener and the thrill gets even bigger. I think that the one very specific thing I will miss about coaching is those excitement, nerves, sensation in the pit of my stomach and all the associated planning and feelings that came every single game day right until the last one I coached in. Every athlete is familiar with the excitement that surfaces the night before a big game. The larger the stakes, the more uncontrollable the incitement. Every athlete has been afraid. Every athlete has been nervous. That rush in the throat and difficulty breathing happen to all who worry about walking out onto the field and failing. And though every athlete can rationalize how game-day nerves hurt performance, the sensation continues to exist no matter how much they try to suppress them. My experiences of game day sensations were obviously different that those of the athletes I worked with but I still experienced the thrill that takes over the body prior to game day more times than I can count. The funny thing is that most times the excitement turns into deep thoughts influenced by high expectations, pressure, and the contemplation of "what if" situations, which have the potential to cause massive anxiety. And so while at first I always felt well prepared to face the game, sometimes I actually started to envision something much different happening. The problem is often that as committed athletes or coaches, we care too much—we're so invested in the sport that we know one game can be so important to the team's season. And while teammates and other coaches understand what we might be going through, because most are are as well, friends and family who keep hitting us up and wanting to talk about something else other than the impending fate get real annoying real quick! Before we know a lot of emotions are running through the mind that we don't know how to handle the moment. While we can let all of this pent up passion out tomorrow, there's no cure for the here and now. The truly great athletes, don't suppress your fear. Fear is fundamentally about the unknown, so they learn how to focus and think to make they fear dissipate naturally. Talk to must success athletes and pretty much all of them will have some variation of similar habits and skills set to deal with the game day emotions to ensure that they remain calm, composed and unafraid on game day. To begin with, great athletes embrace the game day emotions. They stay in the state of hyper sensitization get prepare to dominate. The more they see themselves being "in the zone" , going crazy and making that game winning shot, the more likely it will come to fruition. As corny as it sounds, strong self confidence and even a certain amount of arrogant self-belief is an asset, because when it all some down to it, athletes are prepared and ready, because this is all they've been working for! Coaches or athletes learn through the years to focus on the on the now, the game right ahead of them. Not what the result can bring them or the team, not what the consequences of a loss represent but simply on being at their best when their best is required. Often in sports, the focus is about winning " a game" in order to accomplish some goal, standings, making playoffs etc. However that sort of thinking can lead yon to focus on the future or the consequences, not on the immediate reality of the game itself. In team sports, at the end of the day, you can't control what the spectatots think, what the weather might be like, how will the refs officiate the game or one of many other factors that affect outcome. All each individual can do is think about themselves and perform to the best of their ability. Thinking in sports can be bad. When an athletes needs to think about what they need to do, they will be a step slower than someone who can do the same thing automatically. They will be reacting to situations rather then taking the initiative. Combine that thinking with game-day nerves, the brain may start going down a road of "what if's," and performance will deteriorate even more. One way to lessen how much the amount of thinking is to follow routines. Routines teach athletes to act automatically, to retain learned responses and moments of success all without thinking about what you need to do. This is classic fear psychology: you just do it, without fear or nerves getting in the way. Even a small, insignificant routine can make difference. Athletes are known for their small routines before games or even specific moments within a game. These routines are often linked to a perception that athletes are superstitious, that they need to do specific things in a specific manner in order to be successful. Yes superstition can play a part for some but often, a routine allows an athlete to relax, to remain in a comfort zone. Countless athletes sabotage their success because they are terrified of failure. It is fundamentally the fear of failure and desire for perfection that leads to stress and destroy t performance.So how does one conquer that fear? By not letting it define you. When you fail, don't beat yourself up over it. Sit down, calmly analyze what went wrong and figure out how to do better next time. Failure should be treated as an unfortunate thing, like stubbing your toe, instead of some horrific wrong. Failure is also a great tool of feedback. When we are easily succesful, the results tends to gloss over the performance and an athlete ( or team as a whole ) can take the effort it took to be successful for granted. If we see failure as an opportunity to learn and improve, when it happens, we won't be as affected with it does. Ok so this is easy to say, because when you hate losing like I do, you can spend sleepless nights replaying the game however, that is fine, if when you replaying them, you also seek out things you can do better then next time. By treating failure as normal, you can learn not to be afraid of it and banish fear during a game. Finally, as a coach, one thing I have always tried to share with my athletes was the sports, are a game, in many ways, they are the same games we played with friends in the park. Yes, the level might be higher, the stakes greater but they remain a game and be definition, games are meant to be fun. Not just part of the sport that we like, not just the good times, but as a whole, sports need to be enjoyed. As competitors, we play sports because we want to win, get a good workout, and enjoy being on a team. But on a more fundamental level, we play sports because we want to have fun. That is balanced with the reality that in competitive sport, there have to be winners and there have to be those that don't win. And rarely, can the winners always been the same constantly. Also, if competitive sport, there are more of us that fail to win regularly than those who win constantly. In our obsession to succeed all the time, we tend to forget that, but we never should. If you are having fun, you cannot be stressed. And if you are not stressed, you are not afraid. To have fun, you need to think positively. If you are up against a formidable opponent, do not stress about what to do. Embrace it as a terrific challenge and take him head-on. Before and after the game, relax with your friends. If you can view your game as enjoyable instead of stressful, it will do a great deal to conquer your fear. So GAME DAY ! Just the words bring back a flood of memories and sentiments. I'll miss the, although maybe not the knots in my stomach....
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A few days ago, I heard Frank Sinatra singing "My Way" on the radio. It's a song that I've probably heard who knows how many times, sung by Sinatra, heard it sung by Elvis, and maybe even someone else and always thought it was a nice song but it didn't mean any special meaning to me. However, for reason, this time, some of the wording struck a cord with me, the whole thing about looking back, taking inventory of the path you might have led, decisions you made etc meant something different this time. So I went online and looked up the words to the song and there are a few verses that really made me reflect.
So I figured I'd start this blog post with a few verse that really stood out for me....... Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption I planned each charted course Each careful step along the byway And more, much more than this I did it my way When I read through the words of the song, the two verses above are the ones that really stood out for me. I think the topic of regret with respect to life could be a topic that could fill a pretty hefty book and that is not my purpose today. I wanted to discuss regret, my regrets from the point of view of coaching. I think any coach, especially the most dedicated ones always have some level of regret, about decisions they made, whether when selecting players, putting together a game plan, maybe teams they decided to coach, ways they ran a team or individual player meeting and probably many other issues. As they say, hindsight is always 20/20, so you can look back when things didn't work out as hoped or expected and probably point out to decisions that were made which didn't work or maybe could have or should have been differently. That being said, when I first started working, my first boss, who I consider a mentor ( although I didn't see her as one at the time), always said that when it came time to make decisions, all you could do was focus on the information available to you and make the best possible decisions. So to the question in the subject line of this post, Regrets ? yes, of course I have some, but all along my coaching path, I always tried to guide my decisions and actions based on as much information and input as possible and with the thought of what was best for the team I happened to be coaching at that moment, free of ego, free of self-serving actions. I will let others decide if through the course of my coaching career I should be considered a good or bad coach, I am sure there could be quite a few varying opinions, as many opinions as the number of people you might ask and for many different reasons. I prefer to try to focus on how I feel about my coaching career, what if gave me, the experiences it allowed me to enjoy, the opportunities it provided, the friendships I made along the way. I know that regardless of my best intentions, of my efforts to do my best for the athletes, not everyone will appreciate how I coach. Being in a leadership position includes understanding that it is impossible to make everyone happy, all of the time ( another one of those cliché sayings). As coach, you have to accept that you will make mistakes, that along the way, especially if you are involved in coaching for an extended period and at the highest of competitive levels, you will have days where things don't work out, where your players are disappointed, dislike you, question you and wonder if you know what you are doing. To be a successful coach, and to maintain success over an extended period, you have to do a lot of things right. Winning games or championships, developing highly successful athletes and receiving accolades reserved for the truly special coaches doesn't happen by accident, and sustaining that success long enough to be considered a great coach is really depended on many more factors than the average person can ever imagine. Many of the factors that determine success are often beyond a coaches control, so even if we get everything perfect, it doesn't ensure success when you consider wins and losses as the measure of success. However, reality check, no one is perfect, and in today's climate instant gratification, social media allowing everyone to have and express opinions, it's easy to find fault with almost anyone, even the most successful. In the moment, when as a coach you are making decisions, you usually feel very confident that you are making the best decisions. if you don't feel that way, I don't think you will have success. The best coaches are ultra competitive and have to believe that their way is the best way. One of the best ways to plan for success is to realize where you are, then fast forward in order to look back at what you have achieved and how you did it. Did you follow that? That’s right…move forward, by skipping ahead and looking back! I should package that, sell it and make a fortune because that's the full proof solution to success in coaching right there.... ok, maybe not. Living without regrets is a fantasy best left to people jumping off big cliffs. As coaches we all have regrets so let’s accept them, learn and work hard to not repeat the same mistake. I am sure that if you asked a group of coaches for the most common regrets they feel from experience, the most recurring answers would be something like this, and I've added a personal comment for each point. I relied on my competitive experience to coach. - Was their ever really a debate? Being an athlete does not make you a coach just like being sick regularly make you a potential doctor. I wasn’t constructively critical of my athletes. - having the difficult conversation in order for them to maximize their potential is crucial in coaching. For many youth coaches, didn’t enough communicate with my athlete’s parents. - coaches can spend as much as spend 3-5 hours a day with an athlete at the most. Who spends more time with your athletes than you? Parents so work with them. My athletes didn’t walk away with a smile on their face or feeling positive about their experience. - Don’t be your athletes last coach. Period., however, remember that it isn't always about you as a coach, so maybe even with your best intentions some simply will choose to move on. I neglected my coaching staff and administrative duties. - Create a learning environment so everyone involved is improving and reaching their goals and administrative tasks are important part of being successful so fight hard to disprove the notion that coaches can do paperwork. I was more interested in saying things that impressed, rather than what helped. - It’s not what you say. It’s what they hear, how they interpret it, and that it’s delivered at a time when they’re ready to receive it. I just did what I always do and stuck with what always worked - Then you’ll get what you’ve always got, unless you’ve always had success that is! however even then, as realities change, what worked with one group, during one season, even if you do it exactly the same way, won't always work with another group, for reasons that you have no control over. So be ready to adapt, learn and grow. So I said that if you asked a group of coaches about some of their regrets, the above could be the most recurring answers. Does this include me, yes, certainly it does. At some point, I could point to the comments above and point at different moments from my 27 years of coaching about which I had the exact same regrets. As I said, with hindsight, we can always second guess ourselves, but that goes both ways, we can look to things we regret, decisions we would have made differently and choices that didn't work out. However with experience and hindsight, we can also look back and point out moments when were too hard on ourselves and where the lack of success, whatever the barometer of success each of us might use, was not our fault or directly a result of our mistake. Soccer has been my passion for almost as long as I can remember. When I knew playing was not rally an option as injuries caught up with me, I still craved involvement. I got into it much by fluje as I have written about a few times previously but coaching provided me with an opportunity to fulfill a number of ‘serious’ part-time roles with players and help them reach their potential as athletes, as student-athletes and hopefully to some degree as people. My day job paid the bills but coaching became my identity. Working with good players was a joy; games days were addictive. However as I got older and the age gap between myself and the athletes widened, it was not always easy to relate to them, to really understand what might motivate them and help them push beyond their limits to reach their potential. Of course, "politics in sports" especially at the youth level is something that many people talk about but something that is rarely if ever mentioned on any of the coaching certification courses I ever attended. There, the coaching environment was presented as co-operative and collaborative, where sport specific techniques and tactics dominated. I've seen the best and worst of the sports environment, I've watched, listened and witnessed what can happen when coaches work together, but I have also seen what happens personal agendas dominated. Not only did I learn these social ‘rules,’ but I also participated in their practice. I wanted to do well. I wanted to better myself. I needed to protect myself. While no one would admit it, each of us coaches was trying to outperform the other to preserve a place in a very competitive order. I had the energy, single-mindedness and willingness to ‘take it on.’ With all the kudos and opportunity at stake, I wanted to win. Who wouldn't? Why do I mention this? Well because the reality is that successful coaching isn't just about being good at it, understanding the game etc but it is also about being accountable to someone else, a technical director, an athletic director, a decision maker. Its about finding the balance between doing what you truly think is right at all costs and understanding that you are part of a larger picture which might have rules and expectations that could conflict with what you feel is the right way to go. So back to my initial question. Do I have regrets? I plead guilty to the points described above and probably a few others I didn't mention. But that is okay because I can also point to moments when maybe a run into a former player of mine who tells me about something I said to them years ago, which stuck with them and has in some way helped them deal later on on life. As I walk away from coaching, I am not the coach or person I used to be; far from it. I am not perfect, and I am not supposed to be, I sometimes failed to own my mistakes, listen well, and be humble, just like their are times I didn't give myself enough credit for success I might have had. But all that is okay because my journey in coaching might be over, my journey as a person is still ongoing. Every day I am trying to get better. Hopefully those around me see it. As for coaching, I often hope that if my former players would say one thing about me, it would be " He always gave us his very best effort and genuinely cared about us" Coaches, we owe it to their athletes to honestly evaluate their coaching, and if necessary hit the reset button like I did a few times during my coaching career Have the courage to change. Take ownership of who you are and what you do. Be a difference maker. Once it is over, accept that you will have some regrets but don't judge yourself too harshly, no one is perfect, even the very best. After enjoying the down time in my first summer where soccer whether coaching or preparing to coach is not part of my plans, I am finally back on my blog to share some thoughts. Most of the recent posts and tweets that I put out related to looking back over my coaching career and what it has meant to me, but today I want to share about what it is to look forward, to the transition from being a coach, to simply being someone who watches the game of soccer simply as a fan.
I have enjoyed this summer is a very different manner than the last 16 for sure ( the time I have been at Concordia ) but it is actually the first summer in 27 years where coaching in any manner is not part of it. I can honestly say I have moved on and I am at peace with that chapter of my life being closes. I am sure there will be some moments where I will miss it, or wonder if I still could have the drive and passion to coach a team but while in life I feel it best to never say never, I think that coaching for me is truly a thing of the past. As I type these words, I actually have a team picture right above the text window of the 2017 Concordia Stingers, the last edition of the team I coached, and when I look at it, I don't feel remorse or sadness but just fond memories of my time coaching and a sense of accomplishment. This past Saturday I took my nephew to his first live Montreal Impact game. He is going to be 11 and in the last year has really started to take an interest in various sports, the teams, the athletes, how the games play out. As he sat beside me, we discussed happenings from the game, talked about the strengths and weaknesses of the players and I could really feel a difference in my view on the game of soccer. I was still sharing about soccer but simply as a fan of the game with my nephew and getting to pass along my passion for it. However, I will admit, it was also the first time all summer, as I watched live soccer, that I felt a little void thinking I would no longer be patrolling a sideline. In any case, to today's subject, life after soccer and the transition away from coaching. A common quote in athlete transition is the notion that “athletes die twice” – once when they retire from sport and the second at the end of their life. Does this mean that Sports Coaches potentially die three times? While I don’t necessarily agree with the sensational language of the phrase above, I have experienced transition challenges in both my retirement from sport as an athlete and then again as a coach. The reason coaching parallels athlete experiences is that the demands of coaching these days are equally obsessive as those on players, and at times greater. What’s more, for many athletes, coaching is sort of purgatory between the end of their careers and life after sport, a perceived refuge from retirement, chosen often because of a lack of other options. This means that many transition challenges are left unresolved from playing into coaching rather than being properly addressed, with coaching more the path of least resistance than a real evaluation of the best long-term match to an individual’s career opportunities? This last paragraph is quite indicative of my situation and what led my into coaching. I stopped actively playing soccer at a relatively young age ( 25) in part due to chronic pain relating to an accumulation of injuries and a certain loss of the passion to continue playing. Coaching wasn't per say a transition from playing to not playing but it was a way to stay involved in the sport. I have written previously about how and why I got into coaching so I won't cover that again here ( feel free to read some of my prior work), but coaching did extend my involvement in the sport which truth be told, long exceeded the number of years I spent playing it. I also think coaching grew my passion for the game on the whole and of course told me many valuable life lessons and was a big part of the person I became. And it worked, for a while…for 27 years in fact. I had a hugely enjoyable career, worked with amazing athletes and colleagues and got to achieve many of the goals I had aspired to as an athlete, including being involved twice on the international stage at FISU games getting to proudly wear the Maple Leaf. As an athlete – I was what I guess is commonly called and honest, hard working player. I wasn't the most talented, the biggest the fastest, but I played to my strengths, made the most of my ability and had some success by being ultra competitive, a good teammate and willing to played a more discrete role. Without knowing it, I think my transition into coaching actually started my last few years playing as I found myself being a more vocal leader. Looking at the game to find ways to best deal with opponents, make suggestions to my teammates and the last 2 years, actually being a sort of player coach for many of the games. Right away, in my first year as head coach, the decision to stop playing was very easy. I had found something to do that was much more interesting and rewarding the playing even if at that time, I didn't truly appreciate everything coaching was and certainly had no idea what it would become for me. So the transition from playing to coaching was relatively easy..... but not the transition from coaching to not coaching........ Coaching was not my full time job ( even if sometimes it felt like it) so I don't face the situation that someone for whom it is a profession might face. I still have my day job but I still will have to face many of the same factors that any coaching walking away must deal with. My real life transition will be when I retire from my working career but having said that, from a coaching perspective I do think that there are some unique challenges and realities facing coaching who decide ( or it is deciding for them ) to stop coaching. On top of the traditional challenges of getting caught up in the atmosphere of elite sport, coaches do have some unique contributing factors which contribute to their transition process;
There is one exception to this rule especially if we consider professional sport, in that coaches, specifically support coaches, will quite often have public profiles that are significantly smaller than the athletes they coach. This can lessen the immediate impact of everyone knowing you are no longer involved in elite sport, but it also lessens their ability to leverage their profile into alternative career paths. For many coaches, the team brand is effectively their brand – great if the team has gone well, not so great if it’s been a tough season. For this reason, it is extremely important that coaches develop their own identity and value alongside sport for life after coaching. I have often said that being a competitive and successful student-athlete or athlete in general is a great way to prepare for a the job market but one could argue that not only is this also true for coaching looking to move on into other professions but is actually more of a benefit. Why? Because coaches have proven managerial skills that are more immediately transferable to different settings. Coaching competencies that are desirable in the general employment market:
Coaches, like athletes, can find ways to invest in networking, mentoring conversations and experiences in work environments that challenge them and allow them to research other interests outside of sport. Often they have much to share and the void that comes from coaching no longer being part of their lives can be filled by something else. Coaches just need to understand how to shape these situations to be a two way street rather than viewing them as just a knowledge dump from high performance sport to business and not the other way around. In my specific case, I often found the my much of my coaching experience could help me in the workplace but at the same time, I was able to use my managerial experiences from the work place to adapt when coaching. Many coaches who were around when I started gave up on their coaching passion because of the instability of coaching careers and the lack of professional or personal support. Coaching especially in soccer wasn't seen as a career opportunity but rather a pass time or volunteer activity so stopping coaching was not much different not perhaps giving up a hobby, However in the last quarter century times have changed and we are seeing more and more individuals able to make a living as coaches albeit sometimes by having to take on 2 or 3 part time roles. Hopefully the the investment in coaching will continue and developing coaches in this way could support longevity in their chosen sport by investing in the person as well as the performance, the same way that athlete welfare is starting to be viewed. Overall, whether you want to continue your career in coaching, or whether you are looking for your next challenge, developing identity and self-worth outside of the sporting environment really helps with the transition once coaching is done. There are various saying about coaches, like every coach has an expiry date or coaches are hired to be fired. When I was involved in coaching, emotionally, I couldn't imagine a day when I wouldn't be coaching although logically, it was always simply a matter of time when I'd have to give it up. For me, I will live two retirements, one from soccer and one from work. I am not sure which will be harder, giving up my passion, or giving up the job that gave me the financial security to live my passions. For now, life is full of possibilities, I can seek out other activities and passions and use the extra time I have to enjoy life differently. As time passes, I am sure that the coaching bug will be less and less present and when I think about coaching, I won't miss it but simply remember it fondly. I'll tell you a little more as of next week and as the season progresses.... when I normally would be on the field and I am not.... to be continued. |
AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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