Over the last few months, I have shared a number of fairly personal blog posts about myself, about self-perception, self-awareness, ,playing up to expectations of others and so forth. You can find some of these via the links below.
i-am-no-longer-cool-and-it-is-ok-maybe.html i-am-probably-fooling-myself-or-i-am-full-of-it.html i-am-nobody-and-i-am-everybody.html Any one of those posts, as well as few older ones could serve as great lead-ins to today's topic. Self-diagnosed imposter syndrome.... it's possible So why this as a title and topic ? Well, while I consider myself to been a fairly accomplished individual, someone who as had success in work and via my coaching, I do have moments, where I do suffer from imposter syndrome. It goes along with wondering how others might perceive me ( something I have written about before) or because I have sometimes felt the need to act in accordance with what others expected of me. So, I am sure most of you know what I mean by imposter syndrome, and if you don't know it by that name, I am sure if you continue reading, you will recognize the signs. So what do I mean? Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like your friends or colleagues are going to discover you’re a fraud, and you don’t actually deserve your job and accomplishments? At some point, I think everyone except the truly self-confident, have moments of self-doubt. However imposter syndrome goes further. Regardless, if you have felt the thoughts mentioned above, you’re in good company. These feelings are known as impostor syndrome. I am sure that people a majority of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives and affects all kinds of people from all parts of life: women, men, adults, kids, students, business executives, actors, professional athletes and so on, so basically people from people much every part of society. Impostor syndrome—the idea that you’ve only succeeded due to luck, and not because of your talent or qualifications occurs because certain people aren't able to internalize and own their successes. It can also occur because people don't want to be seen as being cocky or self-promoting of their success. There is the saying, "Fake it until you make it" Well like anything else, it comes down to balance, putting yourself out there, having to sometimes take risks and even "fake it" to earn some recognition or benefit of doubt, growing your resume, expending your skill set which requires you to step out of your comfort zone. Imposter syndrome doesn't just happen in a vacuum or overnight, it generally manifests itself in varying degrees.....
It starts with one or some of the above, then all of sudden you find yourself not willing to give yourself sufficient credit. You start to think that people are going to see right through you and realize you really aren't as accomplished as you appear to be. So how does this start to happen? There’s no single answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits—like anxiety or neuroticism—while others focus on family or behavioral causes. Sometimes childhood memories, such as feeling that your grades were never good enough for your parents or that your siblings outshone you in certain areas, can leave a lasting impact. Many people who feel like impostors grew up in families that placed a big emphasis on achievement. In particular, parents who send mixed messages — alternating between over-praise and criticism — can increase the risk of future fraudulent feelings. Societal pressures only add to the problem. For the first one, I can relate. No matter what grades I got (my high school grades were typically mid to high 80s and granted to didn't seemingly need to put in massive amounts of study time to achieve those), there was always two levels of feedback... that there was always room for improvement or imagine what kind of marks I could get if I pushed myself a bit more. My rebuttal was always that perhaps that was skill set, that I could succeed academically without having to overkill the studying allowing me energy and time to pursue other interests ( mostly sports). However what if that was my first level if imposter syndrome? What if I really didn't study more because I knew I had reached my capacity? Factors outside of a person, such as their environment or institutionalized discrimination, can also play a major role in spurring impostor feelings. A sense of belonging fosters confidence. The more people who look or sound like you, the more confident you feel. And conversely, the fewer people who look or sound like you, it can and does for many people impact their confidence. I know there are moments that I give myself too much credit for certain accomplishments, or for sure there are moments I don't give myself enough. When I was younger and trying to figure out where I fit among my peers, I often found myself conforming to their expectations of me, being the person that best fit in and got me accepted. I tended to high behind humor, often self-deprecating humor as a way to convey the message "look how self confident I am, that I can make fun of myself and not care". However all this conforming, sometimes stunted me from taking on roles and challenges that I knew I was up for, or asserting myself as being as good and sometimes even better than my peers at certain things. These feelings continued on into my young adulthood. I had feelings that I was never really being the real me but the me that was expected. Today, as a mid-50s adult, I can look back on some of the decisions and realize that it was the so-called imposter syndrome.... hence the self diagnosed comment, because let's be honest, back them it isn't like I went around asking for feedback about what people thought of me, or admitted my insecurities or need to conform. The most significant part of acting that way is that it probably prevented me from having the courage to go after new opportunities, explore potential areas of interest, and put myself out there in a meaningful way. When I worked with athletes who showed some signs of insecurity or imposter syndrome, there I was sharing suggestions that I felt would significantly help them move forward and deal with their fraudulent feelings: voicing their fears in coaching, with a mentor, or a safe peer group. I would tell that it helps to normalize the feelings and ensures them that they aren’t alone; writing down lists of their achievements, skills, and successes to demonstrate that they really do have concrete value to share with the world; having a really strong support system and getting ongoing feedback that validates their efforts and outcomes is important for improving confidence levels. Apply, those same instructions to myself? Hell no? I had to live up to expectations and perceptions of being the confident, unflappable person that keeps calm in a crisis and is ready to take on all challenges and solve all problems. But as I have grown older and become more comfortable with who I am and what I really did accomplish, it has been easier to deal with things. It has become much easier for me to tell myself that, at the end of the day, I am and was here for a reason. In my job, in my coaching, and in my life. I have accepted that it is ok to tell myself everyone so often that I am better than I think I am and sometimes I can say that I am better than others give me credit for.
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Sports, what are sports exactly?
Google the definition of sports and one of the first definitions that popped up for me was the following; an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment. However, let's be honest, sports are and have become much more than "just" that simple definition. Look back throughout history and you will find countless examples of how sports, reflect, mirror and affect society. One such example is the whole notion of the Olympic Games. Sporting events were originally associated with funeral rituals, particularly those of heroes and the fallen in battle, but then Olympic Games came to be held very four years at the sacred site of Olympia, in the western Peloponnese, in honor of Zeus, the supreme god of Greek religion. Involving participants and spectators from all over Greece and even beyond, the Games were the most important cultural event in ancient Greece and were held from 776 BCE to 393 CE, a run of 293 consecutive Olympiads. So important were the Games in the ancient world that they were even used as a basis for the calendar. Wars and other disputes were put aside during the course of the games so that individuals from many regions could come together and celebrate. Even the event considered the signature moment of the Olympic games, the marathon, has historical context, with the event being instituted in commemoration of the fabled run of the Greek soldier Pheidippides, a messenger from the Battle of Marathon to Athens, who reported the victory and the race covering the distance he was considered to have run to do so. Move forward to the so called modern Olympic Games and the purpose of these was to promote peace and unity within the international community through the medium of sports. The founder, Pierre de Coubertin, saw the games as a way to bring political enemies together. But , seriously, are the Olympic Games really that, given the money involved, the lengths some will go to cheat in order to win, the economic windfall for the hosts, TV contracts etc, can we really say that the Olympic games are a way to promote peace through sport. Are the Olympics or any other sport really just " an activity physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment"? The pervasiveness of sports worldwide today is undeniable. Pretty much all sports, have become so interwoven into the fabric of families, friendships, and business connections, it can be argued that sport plays a role in shaping the minds and lives of individuals of all ages. Take a closer look at sports and you will find that they are a microcosm for many of society's realities when it comes to socio-economic issues, gender and culture disparities, and a means by which many individuals, organizations and countries try to promote themselves. Social and cultural bonding through sports, which extends beyond the playing field to activities such as parents playing sports with their children or families and friends tailgating before their favorite team's game, helps shape the values of those involved. Conversely, it could be argued that sports journalism describes athletics in ways that reflect people's cultural, economic, and moral values. So, in a social climate characterized by corporate executives fabricating financial records, employees cheating employers, and thousands falsifying their reported taxes, it should come as no surprise that many athletes, coaches, sport administrators, and owners choose to cheat in sports--whether in class, during games, while recruiting, or in gaining economic and competitive advantages. Today, looking out for one's own self-interest often seems to trump everything else inside, and outside of, sports. Many coaches, athletes, sport administrators, and owners even claim that "if you are not cheating, then you are not trying hard enough to win." |
AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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