In just a couple of weeks, it will be 3 years since my coaching career came to a close. The official announcement by the Athletics Department at Concordia was made on June 22nd ( although the mutual decision had been take a week earlier). You can find the announcement via this link:
https://stingers.ca/news.php?id=1556 A few days later, I wrote and posted this "Open Letter" on my blog talking about my thought and emotions as the realization that I was done coaching. https://soccercoach65.weebly.com/jorges-blog-posts/an-open-letter-the-final-whistle-has-blown The end of my coaching career came without much fanfare or celebration. Obviously some knew it was happening, some probably sensed it coming and others hope it so. Once Concordia made the announcement, a received a bunch of texts, emails and calls from friends, colleagues, peers, former opposing coaches, former players and various people involved in soccer. To be honest, I was surprised but the number of people who reached out but more so, I was surprised by certain people who took the time to contact me. A few weeks later, I was invited to attend a players' reunion planned in conjunction with the annual Stingers homecoming activities with the idea of having an informal reception to thank me for my time. After initially accepting the invitation, I respectfully declined for various reasons ( some of which I will share a little later down this post). I wasn't ready to go back and truth be told it was more of a disinterest in being associated with some form of reunion. In fact, since my departure from the Stingers, I have only been back once, for one game towards the end of the 2018 ( the first season I wasn't coaching) and that because it was the annual Erica Cadieux Memorial game, an event I had initiated in 2007 and the family had asked me to attend. Simply stated, I didn't and still don't feel the pull or need to return back and watch the team play. The chapter is closed and I know look forward to new adventures and experiences. BUT .... at the same time, and hence the title of the blog post for today, part of the reason why I don't return, don't miss it or don't feel the connection I thought I might is basically because of how things unfolded as the end of my time at Concordia came to be. Maybe now, enough time has passed and I can speak a little more openly about a few topics. So let's state some facts first. When the Stingers announced my departure, I am sure some ( players?) were very happy, some people probably thought it was about time give our lack of success and others were surprised, never seeing it coming under the assumption that I would hang onto coaching as long as I could. While my coaching career ended on June 22nd 2018 officially, the seeds were planted in my mind for probably 18 months or so. In March of that year, I had told our newly hire Director of the Recreation and Athletics, that 2018-2019 would be my final year coaching ( assuming he wished me to return ) and we had discussed a few transition options. To set the context, when I started coaching the Stingers in 2002, I envisioned being there for 5 years and had planned to assess in 5 year increments. and so it happened, 2002 to 2006, 2007 to 2011, 2012 to 2016. After this 3rd five year block, I was asked my plans and suddenly I was planning year to year. I was probably stretching the elastic quite a bit even thinking of coming back for one more year because truth be told, my motivation and excitement about coaching were being severely challenged. No moment better illustrates this than February 4th 2018. What is special about that specific date? The team was heading to Sherbrooke for an indoor league with a depleted lineup due to injuries and absences. There was a mix of sleet, freezing rain and snow, along an auto-route that is challenging under the best of times, in a bus that was having mechanical issues not able to drive faster than 50km an hour. Given the nature of drive though an mountainous area, the drives basically had to push the bus to its max speed going downhill in order to build up momentum to get over the next rise. All I could think was that here is was, driving to a game I really didn't want to coach, in circumstances that had me worried, imagining all the horror stories of team buses going off the road in inclement weather. We arrived to the game with little time to spare and after getting ready quickly, the team actually played fantastic and we pulled out a great win... and yet, regardless of this, and having seen some reserve players really step up, all I could think about was how I had wasted a Sunday for what in the big picture is a meaningless game, missed getting to watch the Super Bowl. For a rare time that I could remember, coaching soccer was a sore point. I knew then that the end was near. It added to some of the frustrations I had started to feel over the months prior. Coaching at the university level was becoming harder and harder for those of us for whom it was a secondary occupation. The time required, the schedule, the off season recruiting, planning and preparation were basically a full time obligation. The reality of Concordia made it that training during the winter semester in our dome required us to practice early morning or late afternoon, times when I needed to be at work. How could I give the best of myself while fulfilling my full time work and family obligations ? When I was on the field and with the team, I still felt all the pleasure and passion for coaching but in between practices and games, I could feel my motivation fading. It was harder to give things up in order to plan for soccer. It was harder to imaging vacation around soccer. Concordia Athletics was going through a transition with a new director who arrived with a new vision. Coaches were being asked to be more involved with raising funds for the scholarship fund. Budgets were tight during the transition and it is hard to motivate players when asking for a 3 or 4 day training camp trip to Ottawa is seen as costly and other schools are going for games to the States or even Europe. Time had passed my by, I can admit that now. So why did I consider returning for one year? Well, on paper, the returning group of players would be strong, maybe the strongest I could have had in years and I thought it might provide me a chance to finish off my career with a participation in the playoffs. In the end, for various reasons the team lost some key players and it struggled so maybe things happen for a reason. Later than same spring, my wife and I traveled to Croatia for a long planned vacation and in the midst of this amazing experience, I started getting a bunch of emails and texts from a few players once the university academic assessments came out. Why? Players had been informed they were potential going to be declared ineligible to participate in the fall season and they were asking for my help to ensure they could comply. This added to my frustration because some of these players had either openly criticized me, made fun of me or been known to be among those asking for my dismissal. So on the one hand, certain players wanted me gone, but in their worry about not being able to play, were asking for me to help them. I have my own faults and flaws, but I consider myself a stand up, fair person and I have always had issues with hypocrisy. These two moments were a culmination of events that had been building for years. When you coach, or are in any position of leadership, being second guessed, criticized, or disliked comes with the role. That is fine, we accept it, we even embrace and we try to do our best with the resources and information available to us. Of course I made mistakes, got things wrong, probably even had my decisions adversely affect some of the former student-athletes. I always said, all my decisions where about giving them the very best experience possible but when dealing with large diverse groups, you can't please everyone. Over the course of my time at Concordia, complaints about my coaching had been made, both in person and anonymously. However over the last couple of years, there were a series of emails from what seemed various individuals but maybe a select few, directed to athletic administration, to my assistant coaches, and even directly to players. Emails questioned my coaching ability is one thing, comments about my character, my respect for the players, and even some accusing my basically of some form of mental abuse and harassment goes over the line... especially when made anonymously. I tried to ignore them, shrug them off but the environment both for me and for the players became obviously toxic. For the sake of appearances, I tried to dismiss the emails, the complaints, accusations and comments, but it was hard to internalize everything. I think I should have spoken out more strongly about the affect the emails were having on me. It affected me more than I was willing to admit. Truth be told, it probably affected the opinion that those players had of me and my efforts to grow the soccer program. That amount of negativity, whether the comments were true ( a point that is moot) was indirectly because of someone's opinion of me and their need to get back and me. Who wants to be involved in that type of environment, who didn't ask themselves " might there be any truth to the criticisms?", why would any potential players want to join a team where not only is competitive success lacking but where there is constant negativity? The soccer community is very small, past, future and current players often talk to each other and what was happening was no secret. With the arrival of a new Athletic Director, and all the negativity around the team and more specifically related directly towards me, why wouldn't the idea of a clean slate make sense? It does? I know I would have considered it in his shoes. Three years have passed, I have not yet found something that takes up the same amount of time that coaching did ( and maybe that is a good thing) nor that gives me the same rush of competitive adrenaline, but what I have found is a freedom to explore other things. In September 2019, I was able to take an extended trip to Europe, to travel in the fall for the first time in 17 years, a few months later I got to travel again in February, once again free of having to choose between missing games or traveling around the soccer schedule. Players that returned after my departure moved on, few if any missed me. when I cross recent former players, we have polite conversations but nothing too deep. I can accept that the way things ended have tarnished my legacy as a university coach and someone who liked to think if himself as a builder of the women's game. Such is life. Soccer was great to me, I am glad I got to spend all those years coaching, I am glad to have met so many people, made lasting friendships, experienced moments that I will cherish forever.. but the fact remains that towards the end, the hurt, disappointment and frustration outweighed any positive that I got from coaching. I still miss certain things, that feeling of being around a team, being on the field, the thrill of game day coaching... but all the crap and responsibility that comes with it. I am glad to be done with it. I don't know if I might one day go back to watch games. I have been asked on occasion about the decision that was made as to my replacement. Publicly I remained neutral, privately I shared an honest opinion. I will always respect the decisions made by those in leadership, like I hoped my decisions were respected. I am sure the AD made the decision he felt was best at the time based on the reality he faced. However, if the goal was to make a fresh start, why not find a new coach, with no connection to the department, one with good experience in coaching women? Can one coach really focus on coaching two teams and being the incumbent from the men's team, what will be the perception of his commitment to the women's team, what might be his focus. The one coach for the two teams has rarely worked in USport, and when it has, it was with a new coach to the school, who hands on coached one team and oversaw a coach on the second. That is as much as I will say. Those who live the experience can share their views For now, I am living a new chapter in my life devoid of coaching but I remain a fan of soccer the sport.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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