If you follow my blog posts, you might read the title of today's blog and quickly assume this is another post related to my years in coaching in some way. While there might be some tie in to coaching, the title actually refers to a bigger issue. Truth be told, I find myself pretty creative, choosing a title that has a natural link to one part of my life, but in reality will lead into my sharing about something a little different. Take away the coaching perspective of "being on the sidelines" and it is more about being involved in a situation but but not directly involved in it, having the ability to influence it So why did I choose this as a topic? Well, for long stretches of my life, I often felt that I was simply watching my life move along and adapting my choices to whatever happened. I wasn't influencing but rather watching things happen around me. I conformed to expectations, adjusting who I was to what I thought others perceived about me and often kept opinions or thoughts to myself to avoid standing out or offending anyone. I was doing some research about writing something along this topic and I came across this saying “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. Make at least one definite move daily toward your goal.” ~Bruce Lee It’s easy to criticize others. It’s easier to sit outside a situation than be in it. Ironically, it’s easy to belittle someone else’s efforts without making any real effort ourselves. Being in the sidelines is an easier choice than committing to being on the field, truly baring something. It’s also a softer option. It’s much harder to have skin in the game. It takes guts, and a healthy degree of get up and go, to put ourselves out there. To put our work and ideas out there with no guarantee they will gain any traction. To commit ourselves to competition, with no guarantees our hands will be raised in victory. I know all about living on the sidelines, as for too many years I was a manager that didn't want to offend, a coach that wanted to be liked, someone who loved the idea of writing but never wrote, an individual who had strong opinions about gender equity in sport but never spoke out. Some people are blessed to know what they want to do with their lives from an early age. They follow that path, committed to making it work wholeheartedly. No backup plan required. I’ve never been that person. I’ve tried; I’ve tripped and fallen into all sorts of ways of earning a living. Even through my work career, once if finished university at 24 ( so already late because I even stumbled between high school and starting university), I had 6 jobs between 20 years... that's right 6 jobs in 20 years... do the match that is like 3 1/2 years in a given job. Why? Well, basically because i was searching for what I really wanted to do, where I wanted to work, I didn't like something in a job, why try change it, just change jobs. And I eventually landed what I sincerely hope will be my final job just over 10 years ago. Me, 10 years in one job, like 3x longer than I had ever held any other position. I am in a space that fit my lifestyle while I was still coaching and allows my a certain freedom, from the stress of chasing the all mighty dollar, from the stress of the 60 hrs work week, from the stress of the corporate eat or be eaten mindset that sometimes occurs. I took a pay cut in accepting this job, but for the most part, with the amount of freedom I have not to mention the better night sleeps has resulted in a better live style. Working in an academic setting has also stimulated the idea of critical thinking and self evaluation. The downside is that this career path doesn’t always fulfill me. There is a creative gap at times. I have ideas that don’t always belong in my client work but burn away at me anyway. There is a natural tie-in to getting older, to being more self-aware and also developing a higher level of confidence to be able to speak my mind. So I had also ideas swirling in my mind, what outlet could I find to share them. Writing has always been something I’ve been drawn to. I’ve read books throughout my life and have always appreciated the way they could stimulate the imagination, serve as a source of discovery and distract me from real life for a length of time. Much earlier in my life I had visions of being a writer of some sort. I imagined writing a novel that would serve as a path for me to share my inner voice and allow me to put on paper some many things I dared not share out loud. I wasn’t willing to commit myself to the craft, not even close. I didn't have the patience to sit down and put together a story, develop characters, memorize readers with suspense and intricate plot twists. I occasionally promised myself I’d write, I even postured that I could do better than those who did, but I continued to remain passively on the sidelines. So what happened? for work I became a self proclaimed "fixer". I because someone who was calm under pressure and willing to think out of the book to find solutions that would help my employers, impress my colleagues and show leadership by example to my employees. In parallel, my coaching career took off. What started out as coaching a club team filled with friends, developed into a passion, allowed me to travel, coaching different teams, meet different athletes, represent both my province and my country ( twice) and landed me as a head coach at a university. I was starting to find a little more about myself, who I was, who I could be, who I wanted to be... and I searched for a platform to explore. So what happened then? So I started a simple blog. Initially it was a sort of diary, one were I could write about my experiences in Serbia during the first experience at a FISU games. Like my aspirations of being the writer of a great novel, the patience and dedication of putting words to a screen traversed many inconsistent periods. I tried to to re-launch it again in 2011 during my second go around at the FISU games, off and on at the start of a few university seasons.. but to no avail. I just couldn't post regular. It wasn't until the spring of 2017 that I made a dedicated effort to post regularly, sharing stories from my coaching, opinions on the profession and some what to my surprise, started to advocate publicly for the end of gender bias and stereotypes directed to women's sport and women in sport. Here I was, sharing my opinions, telling people what I thought. Did the world stand up and take notice? Of course not. In fact, I look back now and think my initial efforts were pretty awful and unstructured (some would argue my writing remains that way). However, something magical did start to happen in me. I then discovered how I could link my website to facebook and twitter, developed a larger and more diverse number of followers ( ok so just over 2000 isn't huge but a few years ago I had 150 twitter followers). The creative itch and ideas that had gnawed at me started to see light. I started to commit more time to writing. I started to make it a priority in my days to find topics to blog about and to try and post regularly, sometimes 4 or 5 articles a week. I would have multiple drafts started on different topics, committing ideas down in writing and then developing the thoughts as they hit me. That was just over 3 years ago. A little over a year later, The blog posts changed (as my coaching career came to an and), but my writing has continued. I started to share a little more personal opinions, share more openly about myself, my fears, my concerns , the good the bad and the ugly. Writing has become an important part of my life. An important way for me to express myself and share something in me that may have remained covered up otherwise. Is it how I pay all my bills now? No, and I’m really not sure that’s the point. I don't really even know how many people actually click on my links or read through the entire article. Sure, I can get stats of visits on my website but do people actually read my articles? Do the articles inspire thought, create discussion or allow people to form opinions of me and my opinions? I have come to realize that, it isn't the point. I’ve realized that the very act of putting skin in the game is reward enough. I’m involved, sharing, trying to affect some change even if just a little, baring a little and sometimes a lot of myself. It’s hard work at times, but it’s also exhilarating. Committing myself to the process of making my work the best it can be, of trying to make today’s work better than yesterday’s, is reward in of itself. I have invested myself in the process. Do I dream of a day where I’m a full-time writer and the words I labor over support my lifestyle fully and pay for my travels? Not at all, In fact, I might just be 2 years away from retiring from my job and excited about the next chapter of my life. However, I’m also going to keep turning up to write regardless. I’ll carry on turning up to write until I feel I have nothing left to say, and then I’ll stop. And, to be clear, I hope I never stop while breath remains in me. There is risk attached to putting ourselves in the mix. Daring where others dare not. Committing ourselves when others second guess, or stand on the sidelines. But there is something to be earned in putting ourselves to the test. It’s where we will often learn most about ourselves. It’s where we grow. Sometimes it’s even where we define ourselves. To test ourselves is to learn to trust in ourselves. Whether we try and succeed immediately, or more realistically, try and fall down, pick ourselves up again, and then succeed, each time we apply ourselves we bolster the habit of getting out of the blocks. We learn to embrace, and revel in, taking action. We liberate ourselves. Putting ourselves to the test can take many guises. It could be a first public speaking engagement, it could be a first marathon, it could be a first child, it could be flying solo with a business idea, it could be signing up for a competition. It could involve testing ourselves physically or mentally (and often both at once). There is honor to be found in applying ourselves. There is respect to be found in trying to be the best we can be. There is reward to be found in the toil of striving to get better, little by little, regardless of the outcome. The choice is ours to make. We can live a passive life, never truly putting ourselves out there, and possibly shooting down the efforts of others. We can live a life of itches never fully scratched. We can leave dreams left unexplored. Or we can commit ourselves to an all together different route. We can commit to try harder, to do better, to be better. We can bare something of ourselves to the world. We can put our skin firmly in the game. We can seek to make an impact in our own small but significant way. Now that I think about it.... if I ever were to write an autobiography or at least a book about myself... maybe, just maybe, I already have a title that covers the double essence of me. My life on the sidelines... kid of catchy
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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