Inspired by the various "letter to my younger self" site, I revisit the subject of sharing what I might say to the high school version of myself. I had posted a couple of these in the past, related to the start of my coaching career, but today I go a little further back.
If I were to be able to get in touch with my starting grade 11 self, it would probably go something like this..... Dear 17 year old Jorge Well, here you are, at the start of your final year of high school. You probably think of it as the end of a great chapter of your life and are starting to look ahead to cegep and beyond. I know. You already know what you’re doing and you don’t need anyone’s help. I understand your point, believe me. I am not asking for much. You don’t even need to take this advice but please give me a few minutes and hear me out. I write to provide guidance, support, love, strength, and perspective as you start to navigate this final year of high school. You will come to realize that there is no precise map, manual or GPS navigation system ( just for the record this is a very cool device that we have today, an automated map on computers and phones that are basically automated maps, but that is a story for another day) to travel along your life's road and help guide you at the various crossroads and intersections. You've come a long way since you started high school, you have a better idea of who you are, you have remained committed to your wrestling even though the school's team folded and you are starting to get a little stressed looking ahead to the grad and who you might invite. So here is my first piece of advice, don't conform, don't feel the need to always fit in and meet the expectations of everyone else. I know you consider yourself an introvert , shy and a loner, and trust me, this is still the case for the 35 years later version of yourself but that is ok. Be confident in who you are. High school is a time of change and this is even more so the truth for the final year. It will be for you, you will go through some ups and downs and to be very honest, it won't get better in some ways for cegep but you will get through it all in pretty good shape. Whether you want to or not, you will change. You will make decisions and choices that will either build you up or tear you down. But don’t let those choices define you. If you mess up, own it. Embrace your mistakes and understand why they happened but don’t let them turn into a habit. Mistakes are easy to fix- habits are hard to break. Yes will be especially true of your academic choices, you are going to have parents and teachers giving you advice about what you should study based on your marks, make sure you make the right choice for you and not for them. High School is a time to make mistakes so don’t try so hard. Focus on figuring yourself out and actually studying for your midterm and final exams rather than cramming always at the last minute and relying on your memory. Although I know school is probably the least of your worries right now. You are fully focused on getting a date to grad, attending that party, and figuring out how to get the attention of that new girl that moved in last year. You are really going to want her to be your grad date and if that is the case, go for it on your terms, don't let others decide who might make the best date for you, don't wait until everyone else starts finding their dates. But let me remind you, who you take to grad will in all likelihood not define your worth. A few of your classmates will find their soulmates and long term spouses in this final year and other couples you think are so strong and destined to last, won't. You are strong than you give yourself credit for, you are smarter than you letter others see and more importantly, you are independent. You're going to miss a lot of parties in this final year because of your wrestling and that is ok. The commitment and dedication that sports will give you is going to serve you for many years... they still define you today. So go hangout with your friends. Go drive around with the music blasting. Those are the memories you’ll look back on. And grad, it's a big party but it’s over rated anyways so stop stressing. There will be times on your journey when you experience grief, pain, doubt, fear, and confusion. Understand you are never alone. The sun will always rise no matter how dark the previous night. How you get through the various challenges life will throw at you; the struggle, trauma, disappointment, and pain become tools you need to build greatness. We as human beings tend to make our only opportunity at life more complicated than it needs to be; in the process distracting us from living our most authentic and best lives today filled with intent, meaning, and purpose. When we put our notions of fortune, happiness, fame, and success aside and get to the core of humanity…it all seems like this constant search and discovery to feel accepted, loved, valued and appreciated. The hardest battle you will have to fight is to live in a world where every single day someone is trying to make you be a person you do not want to be. Other people’s expectations, opinions, and validation of you will consume a large part of your life. Be mindful and act immediately in controlling your destiny and taking back your life. When high school comes to a close and you move, meet new people, make new friends and expand your horizons, you will find yourself at a few points of your life thinking that everything is finally starting to fall into place, only to find yourself at the start of something else. As you are your friends navigate cegep and university, the learning curves will vary, some will get through everything with the same stellar academic record they have always gotten, some who struggled in high school will find their paths and thrive and others used to succeeding will feel lost and struggling. You may be one of these, so take a breath. Use your resources and remember that everything happens for a reason. Sure, that’s cliche, but you will end up where you are supposed to end up and nothing about university is permanent. Don’t stress about the things you can’t control. Heed the words, when you are 40 or 50 years old, whether you finished university at 22 or 24 won't really matter in the big scheme of things. These words should be important to you and as you get older, you will be in a role where you just might find yourself using them to guide others. And before you know it, high school and cegep will be over over and you might find yourself having less and less contact with your close circle of friends and when you do cross paths you might end up reminiscing about the good and bad memories high school holds. But that’s all it is, a memory. During the last few years, you somehow changed. You evolved and here you are about to venture on a whole new journey. Your life is different now, whether you like it or not. So cherish those moments and embrace the change. You can’t choose the life you have, so you might as well embrace it. These will be some of the best and worst days of your life. But if I can share some perspective with you, I will say love your life and cherish the moments because before you know it, you’ll blink and they’ll be nothing but a memory to look back on. Focus on what really matters and don’t forget to make it count. Now, before I go any further, I want to provide this truth…sometimes life is not fair, things don't work out how you want, no matter how hard to try to make it so and people will at times disappoint you. You will feel the pressure to conform to expectations, finish university, get a good job, meet a nice girl, get married and build a life with her. As an aside, unless you really screw things up, those will all happen although maybe not in the order you hoped or expected It's very possible it would be until you are 45 years old that after many job and careers changes you finally find your place. But along your journey, you will lose sight of who you are at times because the external world will relentlessly attempt each day you are alive to sell and tell you what you should or should not be. Always be kind and unconditionally loving to the reflection in the mirror and remain aware not to allow a negative thought to turn into a lengthy negative conversation. You will learn that the journey of life is about discovering and rediscovering who you are. Life is about not being afraid to reinvent yourself and turning your perceived and real failures into learning opportunities. You are going to discover that while you might considered yourself an introvert and shy you can be a successful leader of others. However, before you lead others, you must learn the discipline to lead yourself, find your voice and your value system upon which you will base your decisions and actions. Self-leadership is a daily process of intention, courage, passion, discipline, and perseverance. Not a spontaneous, spur of the moment impulse. Life does not have dress rehearsals. The physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial habits you practice consciously or unconsciously every day either will move you forward or backward in creating the life you envision for yourself. Material possessions that you will acquire over time will age, break and become obsolete Memories and serving others will last forever. Whichever field and career you pursue understand people need to know that they matter. They need to know what they do is noticed. They need to know their efforts, whatever they might be, are not in vain. As I close out this letter, I want to leave you with a few words, hopefully of wisdom that can guide you for a while. Start by realizing there will never be a perfect time on your journey to make those bold moves or decisions. So make it part of who you are to be ready to adjust, adapt and boldly take on every challenge put in front of you. Don't get comfortable in the moment, take anything for granted or assume there is only one way to process. Life is not a sprint, but rather a marathon and the finish line is far towards the horizon. There will be moments along your life when something will end or chance and you will question how do you get through it, what happens next. You are going to accomplish some pretty great things, things that at this moment you can't even imagine being equipped to handle, along the way, some people will praise you and others will despise and criticize. Life is never all great or all bad and it is always what you make of it. Some of your entourage will think you don't care, or are standoffish because you will learn the value of keeping an even keel in the fact of adversity. Some will view you as nonchalant or not motivated, but that is your strength, not fitting into expectations of others. I am happy with my life today and I know you will one day get to this point and much of what I share with you today will make sense, until then, be brave and bold. Jorge, 2018
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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