Hello,
I had previously written a blog with a similar title a while back. If you are interested to get some context, you can read the prior post by clicking on this link. i-give-up-i-quit-ok-so-see-you-all-tomorrow.html The main theme of both posts is about coaches dealing with the ups and downs of coaching and the some time knee jerk reaction that some have to think about quitting coaching. Now, we can use the one all encompassing word coaching as if it represents the same to everyone involved as a coach. The reality however is that there are very different and specific situations involved depending what level someone is coaching at and there level of involvement ; youth vs junior vs senior recreational vs competitive vs professional volunteered vs paid part time vs full time coaching club vs school vs pro teams coaching males vs females Each of these and in different combinations makes the notion of quitting, of walking away from a team or athlete to coach elsewhere, or perhaps, give up coaching completely very different. For some it might mean giving up a paid ( well paying ) position to seek employment elsewhere, it might mean making a career change, for others, it might simply mean finding another hobby. In my specific case, I have a paid coaching position on a part time basis. Over the course of a year, I might invest in the area of 800 to 900 hours in coaching on top of a full time job where I spend 40 to 45 hours per week, plus home life. The coaching hours are not evenly spread over the full year, with a significant portion of these being mid August to early November and January to March. The fall season is the worst where for the 3 weeks of preseason it is 6 days a week on the field with a few double sessions and once the season starts , 3 training sessions and 2 games each week. So simply the factor of fatigue will at some point have me thinking about walking away. At the end of each fall season primarily, I will get sick as the body which has been working on adrenaline for a few months let's go. I also, each year, go through the reflection about if I have the energy to do it again. So far, the answer to that question has always been yes. As I have written a few times on prior blogs, truth is that I am much closer to the end of my coaching career than the beginning but for now, I love what I am doing and I can't imagine not coaching. However, every coach goes through moments where they think about quitting and everything that goes with making that decision. So regardless of what level someone coaches at, how might they deal with these thoughts? To QUIT or not to QUIT, that is the question. Is it better to fight to overcome the frustrations and disappointments hoping tomorrow will be a better day, or just walk away and not have to deal with the stress that comes from coaching ? Bring on the clichés! When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The only real failure is in no longer trying, in quitting. Never quit. Never, ever, ever quit! and, of course, my all time favorite. A quitter never wins and a winner never quits! Clichés aside, let's look at a few thoughts I have on the subject which have served me in the past. First off, let's get one thing straight: Quitting is not always quitting. What do I mean by this confusing double speak? Simple! There's a big difference between leaving coaching ( or any job, past time , basically anything you are involved in) at the right time for the right reasons and prematurely giving up for any number of wrong reasons. When you do the former you're being smart, clear thinking, possibly courageous or all of the above. This is not quitting in the true sense of the word. This is not being a quitter regardless of what others around you might say about it. However, when you do the latter and leave too early, you may be acting stupidly self-destructive, taking the easy way out, allowing your frustrations to run the show, robbing yourself of an opportunity to be successful later on down the road or all of the above. The word quitting has such negative connotations attached to it that far too many athletes and coaches go out of their way to avoid it at all costs. They equate quitting with failure and with being a failure. Unfortunately this is an unbelievably shortsighted way of approaching such a complex issue as leaving your sport. So why then to coaches contemplate leaving coaching ? The game or practice isn't going as planned. The team isn't able to stick to a game plan that it has been working on for weeks in preparation of an important game. Your feedback, no matter where it is directed, seems to fall on deaf ears or it feels as if you are suddenly speaking a foreign language and no one understands anything you say. You gradually began to increase the volume of your voice and sprinkle instructions with colorful words and phrases that always seem to creep into even the best of the coaches dialogues at some point. Maybe your think that the increased volume will somehow get the message across better. As the game or practice drags on, the players on the bench gradually inched further and further away from you or maybe the look of total dismay sweeps over everyone's face as you explain how you want a specific drill to work. Soon your assistant coaches have become strangely and uncharacteristically silent. Sound familiar ? I suppose that if you coach long enough, sooner or later you're going to run into one or more of these heart-warming, gratifying kinds of days, even with a good team. Things just don't seem to work out. No matter what you try, your players seem to be playing with two left feet, stone hands and prehistoric reflexes. They are out of step, out of sync and totally out to lunch. Their timing is way off and they can't seem to execute, even if their lives depended upon it. So it is usually at the is moment, or more importantly moments if they happen close together that coaches might tend to question why they put in the time and effort. I've seen coaches really lose their tempers during games or practices, leave the bench and go up into the stands during a game because they couldn't stomach what they were seeing out there on the field. I have had peers tell them they were done with coaching, that they longer had the patience to work with " these spoiled, entitle kids of today who don't care about their team or have any work ethic" and yet still be involved years after. I myself have gone home after a particularly bad loss, telling myself that I was done, that this was my last season. The next day, the sun came up, I was a little rested, and I started planning for the next practice or game. As a coach I don't have to tell you how critical it is for an athlete of yours to never, ever give up. You are probably well aware that persistence in the face of adversity is the secret to success. Those who quit or prematurely turn back from this adversity rarely get to enjoy the thrill of victory. Those who persist, even if of lesser skill or lower talent level than an opponent will ultimately accomplish their goals and emerge on top. So if this is true for the athletes, why should it be any different for coaches? Quitting your team because things are getting frustrating is a sure-fire recipe for failure and teaches your athletes the wrong lessons about persistence and hanging in there. As a matter of fact, tenacity and dogged determination is such a rare and valued commodity that it can't always be taught to athletes. Coaches can talk about the importance of relentless persistence. They can encourage the pursuit of hard work and a never-say-die attitude. They can even model these characteristics in all their interactions with their players. However, this does not guarantee that the athlete will adopt them. Quitting on the other hand can be easily taught. I think it's far simpler to train someone to consistently take the easy way out rather than the more difficult one. The primary method that coaches employ to do this with their athletes is never so much in what they say as in what they do with them on a day-to-day basis. Modeling is by far one of the most powerful teaching tools available. You teach far more in how you are than in what you say. It's the old cliché, I can't hear a word that you're saying because your behavior is speaking too loudly. So before you decide to let your emotions run the ship and sail away in the middle of your team's game or performance, ask yourself the following questions What do I really want my athletes to learn from this intervention/interaction? Is this the best way for me to teach them this lesson? Is this lesson consistent with what I am modeling in my behavior of leaving? I'm not naive. It's not realistic, nor even healthy for you to keep a optimistic attitude and smile on your face at all times. Even the best coaches get angry and frustrated with their athletes from time to time. The key issue here is what do they do with their frustration and anger. If you can't find a way to constructively channel it then you're better off sitting on it and keeping it to yourself. Otherwise you risk making a fool of yourself and losing your team's respect. The very last thing that you want your athletes doing is quitting, so why model for them what you don't want them to do?
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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