At any level of organized sport, anyone involved with coaching has at some point heard some variation of “I am sick and tired of coaches playing favorites” usually fairly quickly followed by some variation “A coach should be completely impartial. It teaches the wrong message when he or she only plays favorites."
Well, in my humble opinion, I think if coaches were always honest, they would probably answer the question that is today's topic with a resounding yes. Personally, and this is something I have often shared at coaching clinics of conferences I gave, I actually think all coaches play their favorites. Furthermore, I think they should play their favorites, as long as those players possess specific characteristics that makes them favorable in the coach’s eyes. The fact is that the term favorite is used in a wide range of explanations and validations as a complaint by certain athletes and especially parents, frustrated when it seems playing time is not equally or seemingly fairly handed out. Even more ironic is that when those complaining about coaches' favoritism do get more playing time, they will of course say it was earned unlike the others who got it because the coach "likes them better" When I talk about coaches having favorites and showing favoritism, I am not talking about favorites when it comes to silly politics, daddy ball ( you know when dad or mom is the coach), parents buddying up to a coach, or even a player’s athletic talent. You are right about that kind of favoritism that it has no place in youth sports. But as a coach, I certainly had my favorites as did most of peers I would talk to about this also shared the same opinion or if the term favorite is somehow offensive or misleading, then let's say those that I wanted to make sure get a lot of playing time. Again, at the youth level, this has less to do with athletic ability than more important intangibles. I am talking about the athletes on my teams that were a pleasure to coach because they exhibited certain traits. When it comes to those characteristics, yes, I did play my favorites. Here is the reality. I had very little to not say no experience coaching in youth soccer in the truest sense of the term. However, in my role as club technical director or coaching course instructor, I was exposed more than enough to the realities of youth sport, that I am a firm believer that at the youth level, it is very important everyone on the team can do things to get playing time. When it comes to youth sport, coaches for the most part do not have to win in order to keep the coaching roles. Ok, some could argue that in some ways it is worth since coaches keep their roles can be dependent on influential parents talking to the right people and influencing coaching assignments. However fundamentally, when it comes to youth sport, winning is not or should not be the point, but wanting to win is and learning how to win the right way is. A huge psychological benefit of coaching youth sports is there is less pressure to win, and coaches can focus on player development without worrying about getting fired. Ask the average youth athlete why they play sports and I bet they would say because it’s fun. Maybe they will say because they get to hang out with friends. Maybe they like the coach. Rarely will they say it’s only because they like to win. Most well organized and experienced youth coaches will hold a parent meeting where they present my goals for that season. Have a chance to sit in on these meetings and I am sure that you will hear them present their goals to include things like character development, skill development, tons of encouragement to take chances and lots of high-fives. Notice: winning is not on that list. It doesn’t need to be. When you keep things simple and kids are learning and improving every week, winning is a by-product. And let’s not fool ourselves; the scoreboard at a youth game is for the parents and the coaches, less so the athletes. So if I readily admit that I had favorites, and think that most of my coaching peers would admit the same thing, how do I define what constitutes my favorites? Well, for me, there are a few basic characteristics that I always looked for in my athletes. Punctual: I look for athletes that show up early, stay late, and do the extra work not because they have to, but because they love to! I hate wondering whether a player is going to show up that day, or if he/she is going to stroll in late and I am going to have to teach them all over again. Now I get it; if a kid is late to youth practice, it’s not his or her fault. Being a parent is tough and getting all their kids to practice on time is just not always possible. At the level I coached, university student-athletes were constantly juggling multiple priorities with the understanding that school always come first. I’d never "punish" a kid for being late to practice if it was related to school commitments and as long as when they come in they'd jump right into the drills and get to work. However, if an athlete was late to practice for now viable reasons and then strolled in, took their time getting ready, disrupted training in progress then for sure, that didn't bode well. Committed: I appreciated and respect the fact that university student-athlete were juggling school, sport, family obligations along with all the other issues faced by young athletes. However each one was told at the start of the season that school would come first, soccer a close second and everything else far behind. It was expected that by committing to being student-athletes, each of them was committing to prioritizing these two things. When players showed up to practice, I expected them to be ready to practice, and focused on the task at hand, not distracted thinking about everything else. When we had games, I expected that for the period that game, they were focused on doing their part to help the group succeed. I was very strong on the notion of choice, that each student-athlete the right to make the choices that they felt were best for them but that when they committed to the team, for the season it was their responsibility to make sure they were fully "in" If an athlete showed up everyday, played a lot. Adaptable: There are many who say that athletes, especially those at the highest competitive levels, are creatures of habit. When things deviate, some feel lost or out of their comfort zone However sport, like life isn't always predictable or constant. SH%$T happens and sometimes, we need to adapt and carry one without looking for excuses or reasons to accept giving less than our best. I actually posted something on this very topic previously when-life-gives-you-lemons-suck-it-up.html Sometimes it was as simple as needing someone to play a position they never played before or weren't comfortable in. Being adaptable is an indispensable attribute for an athlete. It drove me crazy when parents and/or young athletes would tell me that was not their position when I ask them to go in and try something new. As long as they are not in danger, then why not? They need to go out there and give it their best shot. If playing time is really important, why wouldn't an athlete being willing to play anywhere they were asked to. Being bold : As a coach I always tried not to over coach and force feed each athlete with specific solutions to every situation they might face in training or games. Sometimes, athletes will make the wrong decision, but for the right reasons, they will see something differently than you as a coach might and based their decision accordingly. Sometimes they'll make the right decision but it is a matter of execution when it doesn't work out. I always appreciated athletes who were not afraid to fail. Athletes who are not afraid to fail are free to take chances and be aggressive with their performance. I loved athletes who sought out challenging situations and embraced failure as a necessary part of learning. The right mindset: Being successful in competitive sport is as much about mindset as it is about talent , fitness or skill. It is a proven fact that what someone believes about their ability to learn actually affects their ability to learn. Anyone can learn something new if only they believe they can, and then work smart about it. Athletes with a winning mindset will focus on the process of getting better, seek input and appreciate feedback. If an athlete goes to pieces every time they are put in a tough spot or face adversity they will struggle to play as much as others who say “I can’t do that…yet!” Self-confidence: Youth sports is about development, and as a coach, it is important that we create the environment for these athletes to develop confidence in their abilities and reach their potential. At the level I spent most of my career coaching, the athletes were considered among the elite of their sport, experienced and having played in very competitive situations. Players at this level needed to have the the confidence to compete, to put themselves on the line for the team. So yes, I did play my favorites. When I made lineups, I favored the athletes who were confident, growth mindset individuals. I wanted players who were aggressive, adaptable, and committed to the cause–the ones that showed up on time and were ready to play. Every one of these characteristics are qualities that have nothing to do with talent and are 100% within an athlete’s control. Yes, that is right, every athlete had the opportunity to be one of my favorites, although I am sure if you asked them ( or their parents) they probably didn't always agree or took the standard position that those that played were simply my favorites due to some arbitrary system of deciding. Every athlete has the opportunity to embrace the attributes all coaches look for in an athlete. So parents, do your young athletes a favor: teach them to have these six attributes by modeling them yourself, because kids may not always listen, but they rarely fail to imitate. And coaches, let your athletes know that every one of them has the ability to become a favorite of the coach. It has little to do with how fast they run and how high they jump, and everything to do with the six intangibles that make them a great teammate.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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