In March of 1991, a teammate of mine who had volunteered to coach our club's senior women's team asked if I might be interested in being his assistant coach. I am sure he respected my understanding of the game, my interpersonal skills and my ability to to manage a game plan as I was the team captain and occasional player coach, but his main selling point for why I was a great candidate to help him out was that I was uniquely qualified since my fiancé played on the team and I attended most of the games anyways ( yes those were pretty much his words). With no actual coaching experience and probably even less ambition to be a coach, I accepted his invitation .... only to have him quit by mid-July and find myself on my own, coaching a team of women. In that moment of " Oh crap!" and trying to figure out how to proceed, never could I have possibly imagined the importance and magnitude that coaching would come to take in my life. For many people, the measure of coaching success is measured by the number of win and losses and how many championships, league titles, tournaments etc a coach has lead his team or athletes to. When you coach as long as I did, you accumulate quite a few of both wins and losses and there are some other successes there, but I will let others evaluate my achievements based on results. However, early on, I came to the realization that for most coaches, for those of us working in youth sports and in non-professional environments regardless of the level of competition, we had a responsibility and obligation as coaches that went far beyond results. From that point on, there were two guiding principles which guided my decisions and actions and were the underlying principles to my coaching philosophy that endured throughout my career. The first one was that as a coach, I would always put the athletes first and foremost, that coaching was not about me but about them. My obligation as their coach was to create an environment that would allow the athletes to thrive, reach their potential and if done properly would provide them with skills that they could take with them into their lives well beyond their athletic careers. The second one, and this one sort of crept up on my over time, was that being involved in female sports, I had the responsibility to be an apologetic advocate for women's soccer, for women's sports and on a larger scale, for women in sport. This second principle actually influenced my greatly in my professional life in terms of my beliefs towards the equitable treatment of women in all facets of life. I have posted a few times about my views on women's sports and women in sport, the most recent being available via the link below, but this isn't the main purpose of today's article. apologist-vs-advocate-for-womens-sports.html In addition to these two guiding principles in my coaching philosophy, there was always the underlying notion that coaching should always remain fun, that the environment around my teams should always be fun, that in everything we did, the idea of fun should always play a prominent role. Sports are at their core games and by definition, games should be fun although how we might define fun at the different competitive levels might differ. My retirement from coaching became official on June 22nd 2018, although my final game in charge was actually back in March. I use the June date as my last day as that is when Concordia announced my departure and as they say, something really becomes official when it's said out loud. So while the specter of my coaching career was in the back of my mind for a few months, it is that specific date where for me, the page was turned. In the moments since, I have found myself being reflective about my years in coaching, moving between being nostalgic, reflective, analytical and even perhaps even self critical of my path as a coach. Part of the reflection is related as I have previously written to how I hope to be remembered as a coach ( you can see a previous post about this via this link) how-should-coaches-strive-to-be-remembered.html However much of the reflection about coaching is to remember what coaching brought to my life and the progress I made as a coach and as person through the 27 years. Most importantly did I live up to my self-imposed principles ? Coaching has changed over the years, especially in the area of youth and amateur sports which the influx of more visibility via social media and the so called professionalism of coaching. With the idea of compensation for coaching duties comes the the added responsibility of providing a service worthy of being paid for. I have noticed that the joy, the fun and the iconoclasm have eroded from sports. take a look around and you will see that many coaches have evolved into somebody that resembles corporate managers: terrified of losing their jobs, muzzled and stunted for life. Coaching at the youth levels always had a certain pressure coming from the athletes themselves, club administrators and of course parents. However it seems the feelings of needing to conform to some sort of ideal or to keep up appearances as dictated by others has somehow taken a lot of the fun out of coaching. So much is now based on simply generating results. As an observer, I take in how many coaches go about their duties these days while now taking it all in from the outside, coaches are best off if they either haven’t got to strong a personality or know how to hide it. Enjoying your life, loving your work but not being a slave to it, while keeping a certain “what-the-hell” attitude alive, is a battle that has always existed in every generation, in every year even if in different ways. Everyone has a certain amount of that certain joie de vivre attitude in their lives and personalities, I mean come on, no one wants to be seen as a conformist robot, but sometimes, any amount of non-conformism and individuality is often seen as too much for society. Exuberant joy is often an inch from insubordination. Humor lives next door to “edge,” which is only a block away from danger. Individuals often cut us slack. But those same people when in a group, in the workplace, institutions, leagues, teams where a mesh of rules is needed, often don’t. That’s just how it works. Fear that our candid words (or tweets) may be thrown in our faces by the bitter, the cynical or the anonymous is hardly new. The crimping of delight, of idle play or just of time to revive the spirit never goes away. Exuberance and mischief are natural to a child. But in the name of maturity, much of that gets disciplined, coerced or forced out of us. One of the disguised challenges in growing up is defending as much of our childishness as is compatible with being a functioning adult. Nobody offers a course is being mature while remaining exuberant and fun loving. . As we age, we learn new pleasures, but not many give us that same sense of child like excitement. Individuals who seem to have way too much fun are often accused of being arrested adolescents, but I think there is a huge difference between growing up and growing old. When you are involved in sport, there is nothing wrong with daring to live large, demand elbow room and, mostly, get away with it. Having a sense of fun, being a prankster is not a character flaw, and ironically when we are like that, we are judged by those who feel the need to be serious and bottomed up at all times. Little damage is really done when you are willing to to enjoy the moment. Too many people take coaching and sports way too seriously. The coaches that remain successful over time are those who take the job as seriously as it deserves but still understand that we play and watch sports to find some joy? I hope that some of these traits are those that I brought to coaching and more importantly how I interacted with my athletes. It’s been 28 years my teammate approached my about being his assistant and I first fell in love with coaching when I stumbled upon a group of women looking for someone to give them coaching and leadership that had been absent for most of their senior playing careers. No one saw coaching adult ladies as interesting or rewarding. I had never considered pursuing coaching and certainly not my fiancé and her friends However, i, sometimes you get those moments in life when something just clicks and without a shadow of a doubt it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Coaching has been tremendously rewarding and incredibly frustrating at times, but more importantly it has taught me how to become a better person and leader. Without coaching I would not know how to inspire those who need it, get others to dream bigger than they ever thought possible, teach discipline to those who need it, make all feel like they belong to something bigger than themselves and learn where winning, sport and the coach really fits in. Throughout my 27 year journey I’ve coached everyone from 10 years old to ladies in there 40s. I’ve coached youth, provincial, national teams, club and university and have experienced moments of exhilaration and heartbreak. I’ve coached games on the emptiest of fields to playing a Chinese team in China in front of 40,000 spectators. I have coached players who quickly quickly quit the sport ( maybe in some measure because of me ?) to some that went in to represent Canada at World Cups and Olympics. I’ve have been everything from an official head coach, an unofficial head coach, a skills and technical coach, goalkeeping coach helping out some former players with their team, private coach, assistant without a defined role and a consultant. Coaching has allowed to travel to the US, France, Serbia and China. I was able to meet up with some really amazing coaches, including some of my biggest influences, from many different sports and backgrounds and take away so much from these discussions over the countless shared coffees, beers and meals. It’s safe to say it was a tremendous journey of many ups and downs, but most importantly it’s been one of continuous learning from more sources than I could ever list or even remember! All I have now is a bunch of memories and the willingness to share them with others as I explore the field of blogging and writing. When I started out I believed that the best coaches could turn any player into a crack athlete or turn a team into a championship “Remember the Titans” type story. The longer I coached the more I realised that my insanely well laid out coaching plans and countless hours of input did always make the difference I had hoped. I always felt I would be the difference maker, that with highly talented but so called problem athletes, I would be the one that would finally get through to them and help them reach their potential. That I could turn any team around, that I could come up with game plans that would get the most of my teams. I have seen numerous coaches, myself included, try to achieve this insane goal of creating a high performing team through sheer will (ego?) and countless hours of enforced practice year after year. As harsh as it may sound, sometimes your players are just not as good as the opposition that particular year and no matter how much you try, your tactics, training and moves just won’t be good enough to turn your team into world beaters. So what do you do as a coach then if trying to be champions every year is not feasible for everyone all the time? Quite simple really. Learn to coach according to the players you do have, find out how to bring out the best of what they possess using games as far as possible and teach them learn to love the journey rather than the destination. If you do end up having a cracker of a year, congrats! But remember that your players abilities most likely had far more to with the results than you did. That does not mean you are not vital to this success however. You are, but…often times the environment you create around your athletes is much more important than tactics and highly detailed game plans. In my early days of coaching I knew next to nothing about how to actually prepare a team for competition, even though I had played it for most of my life, so my focus when I started was to learn as much about the basics of the game as possible. This is not uncommon as most coaches I have come across over the years are so damn focused on the tactics of the game, the latest international trends – even if they’re coaching at school level – and in finding the “best” drills in the hope that these will ensure their teams will win more games. I was no exception. What I negated to realize was that even with all the latest knowledge forced into my head, the players are the ones who must execute what is in front of them – no matter what you are trying to achieve with them. It’s not about you. Too often I see coaches being the font of all knowledge yet their players are the ones who are on the field trying to implement the coaches idealistic view of the game and how it “should be played.” What tends to happen as a result are practice sessions where countless hours are spent trying to perfect the coaches’ strategies on defense and attack, often against no opposition, and the players are resigned to being mere robots trying to execute imaginary moves and scenarios with military precision. This cycle perpetuates itself throughout the season as players default to what they know or react to what’s in front of them in the actual match – because you know, it’s a game played against another team – and coaches get frustrated at the lack of “listening” going on. If this sounds familiar you’re not coaching, you’re an army instructor. Pretty early one, I learned that the process of learning, research and improvement was never finished and I learned but more importantly came to believe that creating the right environment around improving the player’s soft skills (and my own) was where I could make the biggest difference, and not what I as the coach thought I knew about the sport. It wasn't about me being a better coach for the sake of being rewarded but about me being a better coach so that I could better serve the interests of my athletes. Many others can comment ( and many have throughout the years) on whether or not I truly was an athlete-centered coach. Did I always do everything in my power to put my athletes first. That doesn't mean I didn't care about winning, because trust me I did, in fact it was also about how much I hated the sense of dread that came with losing. There were many times when I felt that being in control of every aspect would equate to an improved performance and better players. I truly did. However, what I did realize was that understanding my limitations in certain areas and not always needing to be in control of the learning environment, both at games and practices, wouldn't severely hinder the players from learning themselves and thus it made the players more involved and willing to take an active role in the process. Over time, and due to much introspection, I realized over time that when you let go of that insane need to win, be in control and in charge, you realize that your players are not as bad as you may think they are. Their current inabilities, mistakes and losses are not a reflection of you as a coach… and they are really not in desperate need of your input every 5 seconds. When you objectively watch your players in action you realize that they know more than you realize, they just need more time and the right environment to hone their understanding, execution and skills. The best teacher for this? The game itself. Not me. Whatever sport, the coach's role should be to create the environment where athletes feel comfortable to express themselves and ultimately, actual action of playing said sport is a phenomenal teacher by itself. One simple piece if advice I would give to young coaches starting out ? Don't be a self-centered individual ! Or in cruder terms, don't be a dick. When you become a coach, you become a leader for your athletes – no matter their age. You are there for them, for without them you would not be a coach. Without you they can still play by themselves. Too often coaches get involved with coaching for the wrong reasons and trust me, athletes can spot these types of coaches with little effort. I’m not perfect. I was never a perfect coach, I never thought I was and if I ever do coach again, I know, I will never will be. But what I do know is that in all my years of soccer specifically but in sport, I have seen the ugly side of coaching. I’ve seen, and been, what I don’t aspire to be known for. But I did ultimately desire to be the coach and person that was truly there for the players I served rather than the other way around. Coaching, as in teaching, is often a selfless and thankless task. It is difficult and challenging but above all else it is hugely rewarding when it is approached with the right mindset, mentality and a true understanding of where sport fits in the world. I found and still find that too often coaches, myself included, are caught inside of a small bubble of their own creation where their sport, their results and trophies become the center of their world. This is not healthy nor is it good for the players, they are often far younger than the coaches and have much more going on in their lives than what you may consider to be the most important game of their lives. Please coaches need to realize that their impact can be far reaching and have consequences outside of the sport they coach. A coach's influence can be both positive or negative in many different spheres. Coaches have the ability to make players believe that they can achieve anything anywhere and at any time, or can confirm their fragile belief that they are not worthy. I’ve been there on both sides of the coin and my task was to make sure I was always on the right side. I went through many phases and changes since I first accepted my teammates invite to join him in coaching. Truth be told that I’ve been the coach to help players believe in themselves and I’ve been the coach who was there for my own interests. There were moments where I had an ego that drove my coaching decisions but I like to think those moments were few and far between. I’ve been over-invested in my coaching and my teams successes, and I’ve come to realise where sport should actually fit into life. These are lessons that have taken a long time and a heavy toll to learn and understand, but ultimately it has was an amazing ride and one which while I have come to terms is now over, there are parts of it I truly still miss and will probably always miss. Thanks to all the people who I’ve shared this journey with, the coaches I’ve worked with, parents and players as well as the people who have selflessly taught me along the way. Those that showed me the right way to go about coaching and even those who served as a glaring example of who not to become. I can't say the coaching door is closed for ever but one thing I do know for sure is that I will never tire of sharing about my passion for sports and coaching. Will I be remembered a successful, good, decent, respectful coach ? Who knows really, but I can tell everyone that my coaching career was a life will lived and enjoyed.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
Categories
All
|