“I just can’t take it anymore coach, I think I am done playing.”
Anyone involved in coaching has heard words like these at some point. If you haven't then you are very lucky. I won't speak for anyone else, but I know for me, whenever I had players announcing to me they were quitting or moving on, I blamed myself. I took it as an indication that somehow I had created an experience that was rewarding or positive enough to motivate the individual to stay involved. My mind would go through all the reasons this might be happening: burnout, other interests, team dynamics, I was too hard on her, and many other possible explanations. Always wanted, no needing to really understand what might have led this person to reach this decision. However, upon reflection, the reality is that individuals leave sports from a wide range of reason, a majority of which often have nothing to do with the coach ( although yes, sometimes it is the coach that causes the decision, just like I am sure some of my former athletes quit because of me). Of course, a majority of my coaching experience was with young adults in university, a time when they go through changes in their interests and motivations, where priorities shift and sport just simply does not take the same place in their everyday lives it once did. But the trend of people quitting sport isn't related just to university age individuals but is occurring at alarming rates in youth sports. In many cases, the decision is related to some sort of parental pressure or lack of support. We hear tales about the well-intentioned parents whom want nothing but the best for their children. They love their kids; they just don’t always love or support them in the most helpful way. Google it, do some research and you might find reference to statistics indicating that 70% of children are dropping out of organized sports by the age of 13. Whenever I mention this sad statistic, people come out of the wood work saying that it’s only the kids who aren’t good enough to play that quit. They say it’s an age where high school, friendships, romantic relationships and other interests take precedence. These things are true and contribute to a part of the dropout rate, but they are not the entire picture. Sadly, in our current state of youth sports, kids and families are asked to do more and more at younger and younger ages, especially the kids who show early aptitude in a sport. Many of these athletes, our most dedicated and talented ones, burnout and drop out as well. We don’t simply lose the kids who cannot make varsity or top competitive teams, we lose many of the best athletes on our teams. If you are a parent or a coach, I believe it is critical that we have a good understanding of why kids play, and why they quit. It is also crucial that we have open lines of communication with our athletes, so we can spot some of the red flags and right the ship before it’s too late. I believe there are five main reasons kids walk away from sports, and they all boil down to one common denominator, they cause kids to have a poor state of mind when it comes to sports. If you are a coach working in youth sport and of course if you are a parent of younger athletes, you might find some familiar situations here or some that are slight variances of the below. So, from experience, I would say kids are quitting sports in alarming numbers because of the following ; 1. It’s no longer fun Sports are a game and as I've stated many times games are meant to be fun. Ask around and for many youth athletes, fun will often be described as as trying their best, being treated respectfully by coaches, parents and teammates, and getting playing time. I am sure that if some sort of formal poll was held, many wouldn't put things like winning, playing tournaments, attending specialized camps or practicing with private trainers high on the list. If our young athletes are not having fun, they will eventually walk away, regardless of talent or how good their team or coach is. Adults rarely do voluntary activities such as exercise or community service work that they do not derive enjoyment from. Why do we think kids will? Athletes are never too old, or too talented, to answer the question “Are you enjoying yourself out there?” Ask it! Chances are, the more they enjoy themselves, the better they play, the more they play, and the harder they will work. A majority of high performing and ultra successful professional athletes will often talk about how their “love of the game” is why they continue to compete. So if that is true for them and they are making millings, then it certainly should be for youth athletes. IT HAS TO BE FUN! And if it stops being fun, you need to figure out a way to make it fun, or before you know it, early retirement! 2. They have lost ownership of the experience I believe that that one huge factor that makes sports less fun and leads children to pursue other interests over sport is loss of ownership of the experience. High numbers of kids leave sports and look for a place where their every action and every mistake is not scrutinized by an adult. That is not to say there is not a place for coaching or teaching; but good coaching does not take away autonomy. If you doubt this, then ask yourself “Why does the average teenager spend countless hours of video games a week?” A big part of that why is there is no one standing over his or her shoulder critiquing every move, and demanding that he/she entertain them. If you find yourself saying my team is undefeated or my team scored 3 goals today, you have not allowed the child to own the experience. When a coach, or even worse a parent, are constantly coaching the children on every play from the sideline, yelling to “shoot,” “dribble” or “pass” instead of letting them make their own decisions, they are actually not helping! They are stealing ownership of the experience from the kids, and in the process sucking out the enjoyment. Would it be helpful to have your boss stand over your shoulder and critique everything you do at work? Does a teacher yell and scream out instructions when teaching math of spelling ? No? Then why do we think it helps our young athletes? It doesn’t. Accept the young athletes' goals and reasons for playing sports Help them find their passion, instead of trying to determine it for them. As a parent, when you are watching your kid’s games, either cheer positively after a play or say nothing at all and of course never yell at the referee. As a coach, give the athletes the latitude to make their on decisions in the heat of the moment and trust that you have coached them to succeed and find solutions. Allow them to fail and from mistakes. 3. They don’t get playing time If kids are on a team, and they never get to play meaningful minutes or get pulled out after any mistake, they are going to quit! Kids want to play. Kids need to play. It matters little to them how good their team is, or how famous their coach is, if they never get in and contribute to the team. I would say from experience that children ( and who am I kidding also many of the young adults I coached), would rather PLAY on a losing team then SIT THE BENCH on a winning team. Our overemphasis on winning at younger ages is creating an all-star culture in youth sports that no longer allows children to develop at their own pace. When coaches focus solely on wins and losses, and only play the kids who will help the team win today, coaches drive so many kids out of sports who in the long run could ultimately develop into better players. The reality is that at the younger ages, athletic ability and success is often tied into physical traits as the kids develop their strength, agility, speed etc at different rates and as they get older and the gab in physical qualities might narrow, the stronger / better athletes are those that we coached properly. Coaches, if you pick them, you need to play them, especially at the youngest age groups. And parents, if your child is on a team but never plays meaningful minutes despite coming to all practices and games, ask your child if they are unhappy. If they are, find another team when your commitment is over. The college and professional sports world is full of athletes who were not star players at age 11; many of them were even on the dreaded “B” team. But they got to play, and as a result, they developed athletically, and grew to love the game. No youth trophy is worth not playing. 4. They are afraid to make mistakes As a significant number of kids their main reasons for quitting and a majority will answer they quit because they are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at, benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the development process. Coaches and parents who keep a running commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game. Embrace failure and risk taking in young athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action, start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1? Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment. 5. They feel disrespected I have never met an adult who enjoys being disrespected by his or her friends, family or co-workers, yet go to any sports match and you see numerous examples of children who are being disrespected because they made a bad pass, or missed a shot. Sports is really hard. It takes thousands of hours and years of practice to become proficient, yet we expect our 9 year old soccer players to make the right decision every time, and our 11 year old baseball players to never make an error. When they make mistakes, many coaches and parents treat their athletes in a way that they would never allow a teacher to treat their kids, or their own boss to treat them. We would never allow kids to come to our sporting events and treat us like we treat them, right? This part will sound corny but maybe the easy solution to this part is actually quite simple. Follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Respect the effort, focus and courage it takes for a child to play sports in our “youth sports as entertainment” culture. Give them the respect they have earned simply for taking part. Treat them with the same respect you would demand that you be treated with. The adults involved in youth sports, be they parents, coaches or administrators, have the responsibility to create an environment that serves the needs, values and priorities of the kids, and not just the adults. It is true that as many as 70% of children are quitting sport, then they are clearly telling us by quitting that we are failing them. But we can make a change. We can help our kids find great sporting environments, and keep them in the game. We can do this by communicating better with our kids, asking them what they want out of the experience, and then letting that experience belong to them. We can do this by treating them with the respect they deserve, and letting them fail in order to learn and develop. We can do this by letting all kids have a safe environment to play. A 70% failure rate may earn you millions of dollars in professional baseball, but it is not serving our kids in youth sports.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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