Youth sports thrive on parent-coaches. When I used to run coaching certification sessions, we would always discuss how the participants had found themselves in a coaching role. It was often the case of going to register their son or daughter for a team and checking the little box that said " would you be available to coach your child's team". All of a sudden, this parent was now thrust into a role of coaching their kid's team while not having sufficient training on the coaching aspect itself but more important finding themselves in the unenviable position of having to coach other parent's children.
I don't have children, so cannot comment first hand on what it is like to be a parent-coach, however my first 4 years of soccer, I had my dad as my coach. Most parents thought it was great. Having a Spanish man coaching their kids soccer seemed like a great advantage since many parents of my teammates were not exactly familiar with the sport, let alone understand how to coach it. From my perspective, I was young but I can relate to both the negative and positive aspects of having a parent as my coach. I can also relate somewhat from my experience from coaching my wife alongside her ( and my ) friends and peers. Many of the same characteristics that can be observed in the coach-parents-athlete relationship can be drawn in my previous experience. Parents have a unique relationship with their own children, and when it comes to coaching their child’s team, it is not easy to separate being the parent from being the coach. The parent-coach/child-athlete relationship in youth sports is one that often been at the center of many discussions and conflicts. With all the anecdotal stories about the negative circumstances associated with parent-coaches, it is important that this issue be considered when sports clubs look to fill out their coaching roles. Convincing parents to act as coaches is an inexpensive, easy fix but is it the best for the athletic development in your sport and is it best for the participants on the whole. More often than not, it leads to some conflict between parents and coaches. Parental involvement and support is a necessary and important part of a child’s participation in sports. However, there is such a thing as too much involvement, and it is possible that in the unique environment of youth sports, having dad, or mom, as coach can push parental involvement toward the over involved end of the continuum. If this is the case, it could create a negative experience for the child-athlete of the parent-coach. One can wonder if there is any effect on participants in youth sports in terms of motivation for participation or in anxiety level associated with competition. Parent-coached athletes can experience significantly higher anxiety related to competition than their non parent-coached peers. It brings to question if these athletes feel they are getting special privilege from having a parent as their coach, or inversely, sometimes, the parents works so hard to prove that they are not giving any special attention to their child that in fact they do the opposite. Parent-coaches will actually end up being harder on their child to prove how unbiased they are. There are many positive aspects for the both parents and their children that are supportive of the parent-coach/child-athlete relationship. One positive aspect includes being able to spend quality time together. Additionally, the child perceives that he/she gets special attention, praise, and perks, such as being on familiar terms with the coach. In the child’s perception, having your parent as a coach is an opportunity to receive motivation and technical instruction that others on the team do not have. In the perspective of the parent, being both coach and parent provides the opportunity to teach values and skills, the opportunity to see how their child interact with friends, and the ability to see their child’s accomplishments and take pride in them. Like everything in life, there are negative aspects of having a parent as the coach. Things such as feeling pressure and higher expectations; being subject to unfair behavior and more criticism for mistakes; being on the receiving end of the coach’s anger; feeling that the father-coach lacked empathy and understanding of the child’s perspective. When a coach is not their parent, once they leave practices or games, the interaction on the coach-athlete aspect is done, but when the coach is also a parent, discussion about how the child played, how others on the team reacted, performed etc, can continue on during the drive back home, or over dinner. Sometimes the child is privy to information about their teammates that should not have been shared. Parents can often feel that it difficult to separate the role of coach from the role of parent. They also mentioned sometimes rebellious behavior by their sons as another negative aspect. A final negative aspect of the parent-coach/child-athlete relationship is the perception that differential treatment exists for the coach’s son. This perception exists not only in the minds of the sons, but also in the minds of the parent, the other teammates and of course the other parents. If you are going to coach your child’s team, there are several things you can keep in mind so that the experience is a positive one. First, it is necessary to separate the coach-parent roles as much as you possibly can so that you treat all athletes the same This may be difficult, but it is necessary. Second, force yourself to treat all players equally and fairly. While you are coaching, think of your child just as you would any other team member. Third, it is essential to pay attention to your relationship with your child off the field. Once the game ends, your child needs you to take off your coach hat and put your parent hat back on. They need you to be supportive of them and not critical. Fourth, talk to your child and discuss their feelings about you coaching their team. When they are younger, they may enjoy having their parent as coach, but in adolescence, kids tend to want their independence from their parents, and this may not be the best or most appropriate time to coach your own child. In addition, the level of play may make a difference in your relationship with your child. The more competitive the league, the more room there is for the negative aspects to creep in. Some organizations do not even let parents coach their kids at higher competitive levels. Finally, other suggestions for creating a smooth relationship with your child and other team members include: educate yourself about the sport, only coach if you really understand the game,
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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