Like many kids, my dad was my first soccer coach and continued on for a few years. This was at the beginning of the 70s where soccer simply wasn't as structured or organized. For me, it was just my dad being my coach, for other kids and their parents, it was having someone from Europe and therefore who understood the game being the right person to coach. I can't really remember if it affected me as a player or if I benefited from special treatment or the reverse got held back because my coach was also my dad and therefore he wanted to avoid the appearance of favoritism. To be really honest, I just don't remember my specific experience. I was a good and sometimes very good player but never great. I was consistent, successful and decorated as a player but never the big star. I earned whatever success as a player not because of my dad or in spite of him, but simply because I was willing to work hard, play whatever position or role I was asked to and probably most importantly was ultra competitive.
I have been around the game as a coach, technical director, and coaching level instructor to have seen how certain individuals balance being a parent and being the coach. Youth sports thrive on parent-coaches. Some estimates find that parents of players can make up to 80% of all youth sport coaches. Parents have a unique relationship with their own children, and when it comes to coaching your child’s team, it is not easy to separate being the parent from being the coach. The parent-coach/child-athlete relationship in youth sports is one that has not been widely studied but has significant anecdotal stories about the parent-coach, pushing his or her son/ daughter, providing favoritism or bending over backwards to avoid. Parental involvement and support is a necessary and important part of a child’s participation in sports. However, there is such a thing as too much involvement, and it is possible that in the unique environment of youth sports, having dad, or mom, as coach can push parental involvement toward the over involved side of things. One could ask if parent-coached athletes might experience significantly higher anxiety related to competition than their non parent-coached peers. It could also then be important to understand if it might lead to any significant difference in motivation for participation. Having fun is, or should be, the predominant motivation for younger kids in sport, might being singled out among a peer group by having a parent as the coach change this at all. From my experience, as someone with no kids so therefore never having coached my kid, but having seen it up close many times, I would suggest the following to any parent who ends up coaching their son and daughter (and this was often part of the discussions I had when giving coaching certification courses). If you are going to coach your child’s team, there are several things you can keep in mind so that the experience is a positive one. First, it is necessary to separate the coach-parent roles as much as you possibly can so that you treat all athletes the same. This may be difficult, but it is necessary. Second, force yourself to treat all players equally and fairly. While you are coaching, think of your child just as you would any other team member. Third, it is essential to pay attention to your relationship with your child off the field. Once the game ends, your child needs you to take off your coach hat and put your parent hat back on. They need you to be supportive of them and not critical. Fourth, talk to your child and discuss their feelings about you coaching their team. When they are younger, they may enjoy having their parent as coach, but in adolescence, kids tend to want their independence from their parents, and this may not be the best or most appropriate time to coach your own child. In addition, the level of play may make a difference in your relationship with your child. The more competitive the league, the more room there is for the negative aspects to creep in. Some organizations do not even let parents coach their kids at higher competitive levels. Finally, other suggestions for creating a smooth relationship with your child and other team members include: educate yourself about the sport, only coach if you really understand the game, and do not have any pre-conceived ideas about your own child As always, just my opinion.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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