As the title of today's blog post asks, " Was high school awkward or the best time of our lives?" I have often heard and read people talk about the years in high school being the best time of someone's life. It is a time where we pass from being kids through our teenage years and develop character traits that we can take with us into adulthood. It comes with many firsts, our first taste of alcohol ( or getting drunk), first crush, first heartbreak, first adult like decisions while still being kids, and a first taste of freedom and teenagers forge their own path.
The movie Breakfast Club came out in 1985 and as someone who finished my own high school years in 1983, I think it's a movie that aside from its story and dramatic license, did sort of capture much of the teenage angst and realities that I and my peers experienced in high school. For those who might not remember, the movie was about 5 high students, all from different social groups who discover that while their outward appearances are vastly different, they all share some of the same concerns, insecurities and pressure that all high school kids share. They find a way to connect during their day long detention but at the end of the day as they head off on their way, it leaves you wondering if they will remain as friendly once they are in the "real world " of high school life, surrounded by their usual crowd of friends. I wonder how that film might pass the test of time. How relevant might today's high school students find it? Not to sound like an old disconnected middle aged man, but today's reality is a world where social fitting in is measured by the number of followers on social media or number of likes on a post. My goal today is not to compare generations or pass judgement on today's society but rather share about my high school experiences and those of my classmates. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, this year represents a somewhat milestone since graduation, 35 years since we finished our time at St Thomas High School in Pointe Claire. Discussions about holding a reunion started up late last year and through the summer but it was hard to organize something that would work for everyone. All the talk of reunions and getting together, seeing people that I've had limited contact with almost since high school finished, has had feeling a little nostalgic. The timing comes in conjunction with another milestone in my life, retiring from coaching after 27 year of being very actively involved. It has led me to take stock of my life, obviously where I am but where I've come from and where I am heading. As I look back on my high school years, I think that it has been 35 years from when I considered myself a somewhat introvert, socially awkward teenager graduating with the Class of 1983. Quite honestly, I’m probably still consider myself somewhat socially awkward. But it’s now been 35 years, and I’ve at least mastered the art of being so (or at least I hope so). It’s strange to think back to those years and to the person I picture myself being back then. And while in reality I am probably not that much different from who I am now, that part of my life seems so distant and strange. Here’s a picture of what how I perceive myself being in high school. Now I realize that as I share these thought, I am sharing some personal insights. It may turn out that how I saw myself is very different than how others saw me and of course that different classmates may share differing opinions of who and how I was. It makes me thing about the poem of the blind men and the elephant. And I quote Blind Men and the Elephant – A Poem by John Godfrey Saxe Here is John Godfrey Saxe’s (1816-1887) version of Blind Men and the Elephant: It was six men of Indostan, To learning much inclined, Who went to see the Elephant (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation Might satisfy his mind. The First approach'd the Elephant, And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: "God bless me! but the Elephant Is very like a wall!" The Second, feeling of the tusk, Cried, -"Ho! what have we here So very round and smooth and sharp? To me 'tis mighty clear, This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a spear!" The Third approach'd the animal, And happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, Thus boldly up and spake: "I see," -quoth he- "the Elephant Is very like a snake!" The Fourth reached out an eager hand, And felt about the knee: "What most this wondrous beast is like Is mighty plain," -quoth he,- "'Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!" The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said- "E'en the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan!" The Sixth no sooner had begun About the beast to grope, Then, seizing on the swinging tail That fell within his scope, "I see," -quoth he,- "the Elephant Is very like a rope!" And so these men of Indostan Disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion Exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong! So the basic moral of the story, simply stated, it's always a matter of perception based on our own realities and points of view. Beyond that, our own realities are legitimate to us but doesn't make them more significant or real than anyone else's. So back to me............... I was quiet and introvert but able to be a clown when around friends. I didn't consider myself to be very social but had a close tight knit groups of friends. I went to parties and dances but still thought if myself of somewhat of a loner. I didn't consider myself popular in the way some of my closest friends seemed to have the universal appeal of most of our classmates but I was shunned, mistreated or bullied by anyone. I didn't have any major conflicts that I can remember, preferring to defer to others but comfortable in my own skin enough to not let it affect my self confidence. I wasn't confrontational and had maybe 4 fights in high school where I decided to really stand up for myself. I thought of myself as even keeled, calm and level headed. I never got very angry, too upset or overwhelming sad. When something negative happened, I figured out a way to fix it and move on. When something positive happened, I enjoyed the moment, shared it with those around me and looked for the next challenge. I was involved in sports fall, winter and spring, representing the school on various teams but never considering myself a jock since I didn't play football or wear the cool letterman jacket. My primary sport was wrestling and when high school cancelled it's team in my final year, I missed a lot of parties and dances having to travel for competitions. I was in advanced classes for most subjects and enrolled in french immersion. I was on the honor roll for pretty much every term but never considered myself “bookish,” or a brain although I was seen to be among the smarter students of our grade. The brains seemed to feel that I was able to get above average marks while still so involved in sports and not appearing to put in the school work like others did. I can remember my parents complaining that if I could get get marks in the low 80s so low little effort imagine what I could do if I studies more. I was and I guess continue to be blessed with a good memory and the ability to process significant amounts of information and retain / recall as required. As I moved into adulthood and my parents would bring up my academic performance through high school, cegep and university with the ever present,"imagine if you had really applied yourself", I came to realize that maybe that was part of my skill set and my make up. I didn't need to be a high achiever all the time, that I was ok being ok academically doing what I needed to do to get to the level I found acceptable, leaving me the time and energy to do well and focus on the areas of my life that felt deserved attention but also gave added to my life. I remember feeling puzzled, that I was someone who could fit in with different groups but didn't really know where I fill in exactly. I considered myself likeable, easy to get along with but not someone who others sought out to be friends with. When it came to girls, I thought of myself as the guy that girls might see as nice, friendly, someone to ask for help, advice or help getting to close the "the guy". If my life was a movie, I imagined myself always being the friend and never the boyfriend, kind of like Jon Cryer's "Duckie" in the movie Pretty in Pink ( thought I could throw in another 80s movie reference, look it up). I never thought of myself of unhappy, unfulfilled or having an awkward or rough time in high school. Even today, I look back through the eyes of an adult and everything that goes with it and I picture my high school years with positivism. At the time though, I felt like I was missing out on something, that I was meant for more, that I didn't quite fit in and that I was playing the role of who all my friends expected me to be. I imagined that it was easier to play along to others' expectations than assert myself and be who I imagine myself to be. Was it lack of confidence, or was it simply me being able to see the big picture and picking the battles that were worth taking on. I think it was a bit of both, of course answering that question today is helped by the knowledge of who I am now. When I think about the social aspects of high school, I imagine it being like my academic efforts, I did enough to get by, do well without needing to stand out, show I could be smart without needing to feel smarter than others. I faced the same teenage pressures and worries as everyone else but maybe hid my insecurities but joking around and being ok being a supporting case member. If my friendships were the Beatles, I was Ringo, in the back, doing playing my role. of course, I was convinced I was the only person who felt this way. I was the only Class of 1983 graduate who felt awkward, unsure of himself and trying to figure out where I fit in. Because after all, why wasn’t anyone else like me? If everyone else felt scared, they would show it, right ? Now 35 years later, I think back on those feelings and realize that I was probably not the only kid who struggled to figure out who they were during those adolescent years. I’m willing to bet that every other person felt the exact same way I did. We just all showed it differently. The popular kids who always ate lunch together, the jocks that attracted all the accolades, the guys every girl wanted to date, they all probably had their own issues. So, is Breakfast Club or some of the other 80s high school films a good representation of my generation of my era, if how I and my classmates felt? We all felt like we needed to fit into a category à la The Breakfast Club; that we were the outsider looking in from Some Kind of Wonderful; the forgotten girl (or guy) who has a major crush in Sixteen Candles. Those universal feelings are the reason those movies are so relatable. It’s great now being Facebook friends with so many of my high school classmates. In fact, I communicate more with some of them now than I ever did then. Probably because, 35 years later we’re all a little less scared and awkward in life. Or if not, we now at least have screens to mask the insecurity. I can also say that 35 years later, I am convinced that everything I went through in high school played a major part of who I am today. I don't need to be recognized for my efforts but take great pride in standing up for what I truly believe in. I don't have a huge circle of friends but I am a fiercely loyal to the ones I have. I have kept my calm demeanor, I don't get flustered when things get a little ( or a lot crazy), I am able to focus on tasks when others around me might freak up. I don't worry about fitting in, I accept people as they are and expect them to do the same. So to answer the question from the subject line, high school was awkward and it was fun, it was happy and it was sad. I can't say for sure it was the best time of my life but it was certainly up there in terms of being the most influential.
1 Comment
9/25/2018 08:24:26 pm
Thanks for sharing Jorge. I knew you from primary school days! I can understand your introspection of the "high school" years as well. Appreciate your comments and look forward to chatting. W
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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