When I was quite young, I have recollections of my dad really liking the Beatles song “When I’m sixty four”. If you don’t remember all the lyrics to the song, I’ll let you google them at your convenience but I’m sure most people can remember the chorus to the song.
“Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I’m sixty four?” Clearly one is supposed to feel vulnerable and derelict by that age and I am just over eleven years away from it now. Honestly though, I feel ages away from feeling helplessly old. At the same time, I have to be realistic that I am not longer in my thirties or even my forties. There are various cliché sayings related to age and aging, you know, the ones about how age is just a number or that you are only as old as you think you are, or any number of variations of those themes. I do think there is a certain truth to that thinking. I think our society is sometimes obsessed with role playing in the sense of asking people to “act their age”. We are supposed to be behaving in the manner laid down by the expectations of those around us and any digression from the same comes across as a reason for raised eyebrows, shock or in the case of those with a more generous outlook, as pleasant surprise. And I wonder, is mental aging a conditioned thing. I consider myself someone who is fairly in tune with what is going on with today’s younger generations. Between working within a Cegep and all the years I was coaching, I spent a lot of time around individuals ranging from late teens to young adults. However, being around these individuals created the occasional very contradictory perception, from that I can really relate and understand them to I have really no idea what they are thinking. When it came to coaching, I have regular interaction with the athletes. For sure the soccer discussions where the most prevalent but I would also exchange with them about careers plans, day to day issues and when we are together as a group, share some great moments of joking around. Truth be old though, it was always clear to me that no matter how well we got along, I was the same age or for the last few years, older, than their own parents. I am sure they would look at me trying to act young, with it, hip or whatever other terms you might put there and think “what a goofball” the same way I would look at adults and think the same thing when I was their age. Truth be told, I think every generation goes through the cycle of looking at their parents or other older people in their lives and finding that they aren’t acting their age or trying too hard to act young. Then when those teenagers or young adults reach their 30s and 40s, they will display all the same behaviors because in their mind they are not old. It’s strange how these behaviors, reactions and perceptions bind us down. I find so much pleasure in communication and being aware of all that is going on around me. Why do we perceive that certain things are appropriate for certain age groups, you know like music, classical being the genre of the old and hip hop the genre of the young for example. On the other hand, we don’t mind going to extreme lengths to try and maintain our physical appearances through various means. However aging is an inevitability that you just have to come to terms with, do what you will. It is interesting how your body begins to reintroduce itself to you as you get older. Maybe it’s a way of reminding you that you are still here and alive. Let’s start with the obvious signs, thinking that somehow every printed medium in the world has decided to use smaller font, when really it just means it’s time to give in and get reading glasses ( which I have). Then there is the receding hairline or loss of hair altogether, and the hair that might remain is going grey. This summer, for the first time ever, I decided to grow a beard for an extended time. It’s pretty much all grey ! Then add the wrinkles around the eyes, the age spots, hair in the eyes… and probably many more. Add to the above, the messages your body chooses to send is some not so subtle ways. There are times when my right arm sends me a little aching “hello” when I lift it, especially on days when the weather is damp and rainy. Then, just for fun, my elbow shouts, “hey” with a tiny jolt of pain. My knees and legs want in on the act so if I sit with one leg folded under me for more than a few minutes, it kind of refuses to unfold without a complaint and I might get some tingling in my toes. If I’ve been sitting a while, my body might stiffen up and my lower back seems to lock in place. A few years back, I was having issues with my knees. They were often swollen, stiff and painful. Certain movements caused pain and I might be walking along and one or both knees would buckle. I went to see a doctor who ruled out some of the easily detectable possibilities (ie torn ligament) but he still sent me for an MRI. When the report came back, there was a long list of issues detailed which basically indicated, years of abuse from sports, scar tissues and signs of old injuries that had healed. I was then sent to an orthopedic surgeon just to rule out the need for surgery. He did a quick exam, looked the report and MRI online and told me, the issue was nothing to do with the old injuries but the early on set arthritis. He felt there was no need for surgery and when I asked him what I could do to deal with the situation, he quickly replied “Just accept you’re getting older and deal with it “ Ok, there was a little more feedback given about certain adjustments I could do. Namely changing some of physically activities I preferred. Doing some therapy to loosen up the scar tissue and strengthen the knee overall etc etc but the line about accepting that I was getting older stuck with me. Fast forward to today and the knees feel much better. Do they feel perfect? No not at all. There are still moments of stiffness, but a feel changes I made certainly have helped. I am at my lowest weight in probably 10 or 12 years, I changed my physical activity ( no more always carrying my golf bad and walking when I play), I bike more, I kayak, I eat better, I stretch somewhat regularly, I try and foam roll once in a while. Physically I feel the best I have felt in a long time. I could probably improve my fitness level but I have more energy than in recent years. I sleep more soundly (although apparently snore much more). I can go out on the lake or get on a bike for 3 or 4 hours at a time and not feel stiff or sore afterwards (or maybe not too stiff or too sore). I feel strong for many physical tasks around the house (even though I didn’t ever consider myself to be strong, maybe more wiry). Mentally, I look forward to learning new skills, trying new activities or hobbies. Of course, where maybe once I would receiving comments or compliments about looking fit, being good looking or attractive, I know get told how I look mature, distinguished, wise and worldly. Anyway, this got me thinking about how aging is such an interesting experience, and differs for everyone I guess. I’m starting to think it’s as much about state of mind as it is anything else. (Even that achy stuff that keeps reintroducing me to different body parts). Some folks are old before they reach an age that I consider old. I’ve heard people in their 40s talk about being old — seriously! You are just coming into your prime so shut up of F%% off. Then you get someone like my now deceased grandmother who was in her 90s and would complain how she was physically breaking down and no longer fit… or just being a normal lady in her 90s for most people. She was still so mentally sharp, took daily walks (sometimes up and down her hallways when the weather wasn’t great) and took other ladies in her residence that she preferred to take walks alone because in her words “walking with old people stresses me because they can’t keep up “… most of these friends of hers where 10 years younger than she was! Since aging is inevitable and meeting your body where it is at this moment is a choice, I’m going to do my best not to complain when my back reminds me I am not 21. In fact, I think I’ll honor the twinges that tell me I am alive and breathing. Now, I didn’t say I’d celebrate that I have aching stuff that didn’t ache at 20, 30 or 50. But, I’ll do my best not to dwell on it. I am going to take the mindset that I have to have to be as active as I can. That I have to get up and keep moving or I won’t be able to get up and move.” I know I’m blessed with good health and a body that allows me to do most anything I want to do. So, I’m pledging not to take that for granted. I’m done with coaching and I am at the age where retiring from work is not some distant possibility, so I am going to start this chapter of my life being active, challenging myself mentally and keep telling myself that I am too young to be old even if I am too old to be young. Or I guess, maybe that it is why they call it middle age.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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