There’s something about being in your 50s that makes you think about the past. For my personally, I think its also the closing of one significant part of my life ( my coaching career) that has made me start to take stock of my life in a different manner.
Maybe it’s the realization that there is in all likelihood less in front of me than there is behind me, or that I am actually starting to plan and look forward to my retirement from working. There is both a scary and exciting feeling thinking that in a fairly short period of time, the routine that has been happening for 30+ years will soon be gone and I will be have tons of time on my hands to do as I choose. Maybe it is that for many, I should be at a time in my life when I'm supposed to have it all figured out. Maybe it’s just because in your teens, being in one's 50s seemed like it would make on ancient and yet in my mind I am still full of life and energy. But with my retirement from coaching soccer and my "real retirement" looming within the next 5 years tops or so , I can’t help but think about how much time has gone by and how many moments I’ve experienced. And for some reason, in part because of a reunion dinner I attended in October, I can’t help but feel a little nostalgic for those high school days I was in such a rush to leave behind. I can’t help but think about how long it’s been since I’ve seen some of the people who were so important to me. Recently, I find myself thinking about some long-forgotten moments and some faces I haven’t seen in years. I thought about the group of friends I grew up with, I shared fun times with, and I eventually lost touch with. It made me a little sad to think about all those names and faces that were so important to me and yet no longer play any role in my life. I remember being in my final year of high school and having everyone tell me to enjoy the last months because soon, my friends would be gone and we’d lose touch. I thought everyone was crazy. That could never happen to us. We were such a close-knit group. We wouldn’t let that happen. We were so confident and sure of ourselves then, thinking we had it all figured out but who could blame us? We were just typical teenagers who thought the friendships would last forever and that our shared memories would endlessly expand. We thought the weekly parties, group outings and from we perceived as being acts of rebellion vs adulthood, would go on because how could they not? We didn’t realize real life, university, and our individual paths would sever the links that made some many of use friends. It didn’t happen all at once. The change was methodically slow to the point we didn’t realize what happened until it was too late. The get-togethers or phone calls were fewer and farther in between, and the broken night out promises seemed to become more the norm. We found new friends we seemed to connect more with and they filled some of the voids felt as the high school friendships seemed to fade. Suddenly, one day, it felt to call or maybe even seek you out for a chat. Suddenly, we realized we didn’t know what to say anymore, that we didn’t know what made each other laugh or if planning to go out for drinks together would even be fun. Everything that made us friends, that made us have a seemingly unbreakable bond, was somehow immature and a folly of our youth. Suddenly, we realized we weren’t in each others’ lives anymore. Now, maybe I am projecting. Maybe that is how I reacted and felt and I am in the minority. However, something definitely happened to me where I felt that I was longer welcome or connected to my high school friends. Sure, I might run into some of you and we would chat like old times and talk about things we had experienced, but for me, something was lost and I somehow convinced myself that it was ok, that is part of life as I was growing up. It’s been years since I’ve talked to many of you, the faces from my high school years. Still, I can’t help but think about how your faces are all carved into my memories. It just takes a image, song or a phrase to send me flying back to those days that were both simple and complex. I think about hanging out in the cafeteria during lunch taking about who liked who, who was hosting the next party, going out to the school yard where we came up with all kinds of games to challenge each other athletically. I think about all of the crazy hairstyles and fashion changes we went through, thinking how great we look, only to look back now and thinking , we were so young and naive. People loved the sitcom "The 70s Show: but we lived it. I think about the nerves of my first slow dance and the basement parties that seemed to take place every week. I think about high school dances and our graduation ball, the drama we thought would shape our lives that now seems so trivial. I wonder where some of you are now, if you ever think about all those moments, too. I wonder if, sometimes, you think about what we all had together, our group of friends, and what we’ve let go. Because I think the thing we didn’t realize is that the link that held us together connected us to ourselves, too. It was a link to our past and to the years that shaped us. Sometimes we like to tell ourselves that high school was the worst part of our lives or that it didn’t matter. In some ways, that might be correct. However, I think those days, those friendships, those connections grounded us in who we would become. In many ways, I don’t know that guy I was in high school. I’ve remember myself as a shy, introvert individual who felt liked and welcome but lacked the confidence to stand out. Through the eyes of my 53 year old self, I imagine myself playing a role that everyone around me expected me to be. The funny guy that made others guys laugh but didn't inspire leadership, the friend guy that girls liked confiding in and talking to but might not really consider a possible boyfriend. I think I've lost the sense of shyness and deferring to others and embraced that I had a voice to assert myself and take charge. I sometime find myself looking back and think about what I could have done, or should have done differently and how it might have made something turn out different in life but I’ve learned as so many of us do, that it is far from perfect. I miss those easier times that we thought were so, so hard. Everything I learned during high school is the foundation of who I am today. Still, today, thinking of all of you, of all the memories I now treasure, I’ve realized that all is not lost. The times we had, the photos I have, they are all connections to you and to who I was. They are reminders of a time when life was a little less gritty and raw. They are reminders of the dreamer I was and the connections we had. When I do get to touch base I enjoy comparing shared memories and hearing about how I was perceived by each of you versus how I thought I was seen. We can compare who we are today with who we were, or thought we were. One benefit of age and experience is we can rewrite our memories and experience. enhancing and appreciating them for what they really were and how important they were in our lives. We can also realize that those dramatic moments that we thought were so devastating , we simply obstacles in our path that allowed us to grow. So, wherever you are, I hope you are doing well. I hope you are finding this life to be all that you hoped for. Most of all, I hope that you haven’t forgotten the moments we shared together. I hope that, in some distant time, if we run across each other, you will smile and say “hello,” knowing that the link that is tarnished isn’t completely gone. Because the thing about true friendship is that the link can never truly be gone, no matter how much time goes by. And I for one, as I get older, I long to reconnect with old friends, to not worry how there is less time left ahead of me but to appreciate the time that is behind me.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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