A few days ago, I heard Frank Sinatra singing "My Way" on the radio. It's a song that I've probably heard who knows how many times, sung by Sinatra, heard it sung by Elvis, and maybe even someone else and always thought it was a nice song but it didn't mean any special meaning to me. However, for reason, this time, some of the wording struck a cord with me, the whole thing about looking back, taking inventory of the path you might have led, decisions you made etc meant something different this time. So I went online and looked up the words to the song and there are a few verses that really made me reflect.
So I figured I'd start this blog post with a few verse that really stood out for me....... Regrets, I've had a few But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption I planned each charted course Each careful step along the byway And more, much more than this I did it my way When I read through the words of the song, the two verses above are the ones that really stood out for me. I think the topic of regret with respect to life could be a topic that could fill a pretty hefty book and that is not my purpose today. I wanted to discuss regret, my regrets from the point of view of coaching. I think any coach, especially the most dedicated ones always have some level of regret, about decisions they made, whether when selecting players, putting together a game plan, maybe teams they decided to coach, ways they ran a team or individual player meeting and probably many other issues. As they say, hindsight is always 20/20, so you can look back when things didn't work out as hoped or expected and probably point out to decisions that were made which didn't work or maybe could have or should have been differently. That being said, when I first started working, my first boss, who I consider a mentor ( although I didn't see her as one at the time), always said that when it came time to make decisions, all you could do was focus on the information available to you and make the best possible decisions. So to the question in the subject line of this post, Regrets ? yes, of course I have some, but all along my coaching path, I always tried to guide my decisions and actions based on as much information and input as possible and with the thought of what was best for the team I happened to be coaching at that moment, free of ego, free of self-serving actions. I will let others decide if through the course of my coaching career I should be considered a good or bad coach, I am sure there could be quite a few varying opinions, as many opinions as the number of people you might ask and for many different reasons. I prefer to try to focus on how I feel about my coaching career, what if gave me, the experiences it allowed me to enjoy, the opportunities it provided, the friendships I made along the way. I know that regardless of my best intentions, of my efforts to do my best for the athletes, not everyone will appreciate how I coach. Being in a leadership position includes understanding that it is impossible to make everyone happy, all of the time ( another one of those cliché sayings). As coach, you have to accept that you will make mistakes, that along the way, especially if you are involved in coaching for an extended period and at the highest of competitive levels, you will have days where things don't work out, where your players are disappointed, dislike you, question you and wonder if you know what you are doing. To be a successful coach, and to maintain success over an extended period, you have to do a lot of things right. Winning games or championships, developing highly successful athletes and receiving accolades reserved for the truly special coaches doesn't happen by accident, and sustaining that success long enough to be considered a great coach is really depended on many more factors than the average person can ever imagine. Many of the factors that determine success are often beyond a coaches control, so even if we get everything perfect, it doesn't ensure success when you consider wins and losses as the measure of success. However, reality check, no one is perfect, and in today's climate instant gratification, social media allowing everyone to have and express opinions, it's easy to find fault with almost anyone, even the most successful. In the moment, when as a coach you are making decisions, you usually feel very confident that you are making the best decisions. if you don't feel that way, I don't think you will have success. The best coaches are ultra competitive and have to believe that their way is the best way. One of the best ways to plan for success is to realize where you are, then fast forward in order to look back at what you have achieved and how you did it. Did you follow that? That’s right…move forward, by skipping ahead and looking back! I should package that, sell it and make a fortune because that's the full proof solution to success in coaching right there.... ok, maybe not. Living without regrets is a fantasy best left to people jumping off big cliffs. As coaches we all have regrets so let’s accept them, learn and work hard to not repeat the same mistake. I am sure that if you asked a group of coaches for the most common regrets they feel from experience, the most recurring answers would be something like this, and I've added a personal comment for each point. I relied on my competitive experience to coach. - Was their ever really a debate? Being an athlete does not make you a coach just like being sick regularly make you a potential doctor. I wasn’t constructively critical of my athletes. - having the difficult conversation in order for them to maximize their potential is crucial in coaching. For many youth coaches, didn’t enough communicate with my athlete’s parents. - coaches can spend as much as spend 3-5 hours a day with an athlete at the most. Who spends more time with your athletes than you? Parents so work with them. My athletes didn’t walk away with a smile on their face or feeling positive about their experience. - Don’t be your athletes last coach. Period., however, remember that it isn't always about you as a coach, so maybe even with your best intentions some simply will choose to move on. I neglected my coaching staff and administrative duties. - Create a learning environment so everyone involved is improving and reaching their goals and administrative tasks are important part of being successful so fight hard to disprove the notion that coaches can do paperwork. I was more interested in saying things that impressed, rather than what helped. - It’s not what you say. It’s what they hear, how they interpret it, and that it’s delivered at a time when they’re ready to receive it. I just did what I always do and stuck with what always worked - Then you’ll get what you’ve always got, unless you’ve always had success that is! however even then, as realities change, what worked with one group, during one season, even if you do it exactly the same way, won't always work with another group, for reasons that you have no control over. So be ready to adapt, learn and grow. So I said that if you asked a group of coaches about some of their regrets, the above could be the most recurring answers. Does this include me, yes, certainly it does. At some point, I could point to the comments above and point at different moments from my 27 years of coaching about which I had the exact same regrets. As I said, with hindsight, we can always second guess ourselves, but that goes both ways, we can look to things we regret, decisions we would have made differently and choices that didn't work out. However with experience and hindsight, we can also look back and point out moments when were too hard on ourselves and where the lack of success, whatever the barometer of success each of us might use, was not our fault or directly a result of our mistake. Soccer has been my passion for almost as long as I can remember. When I knew playing was not rally an option as injuries caught up with me, I still craved involvement. I got into it much by fluje as I have written about a few times previously but coaching provided me with an opportunity to fulfill a number of ‘serious’ part-time roles with players and help them reach their potential as athletes, as student-athletes and hopefully to some degree as people. My day job paid the bills but coaching became my identity. Working with good players was a joy; games days were addictive. However as I got older and the age gap between myself and the athletes widened, it was not always easy to relate to them, to really understand what might motivate them and help them push beyond their limits to reach their potential. Of course, "politics in sports" especially at the youth level is something that many people talk about but something that is rarely if ever mentioned on any of the coaching certification courses I ever attended. There, the coaching environment was presented as co-operative and collaborative, where sport specific techniques and tactics dominated. I've seen the best and worst of the sports environment, I've watched, listened and witnessed what can happen when coaches work together, but I have also seen what happens personal agendas dominated. Not only did I learn these social ‘rules,’ but I also participated in their practice. I wanted to do well. I wanted to better myself. I needed to protect myself. While no one would admit it, each of us coaches was trying to outperform the other to preserve a place in a very competitive order. I had the energy, single-mindedness and willingness to ‘take it on.’ With all the kudos and opportunity at stake, I wanted to win. Who wouldn't? Why do I mention this? Well because the reality is that successful coaching isn't just about being good at it, understanding the game etc but it is also about being accountable to someone else, a technical director, an athletic director, a decision maker. Its about finding the balance between doing what you truly think is right at all costs and understanding that you are part of a larger picture which might have rules and expectations that could conflict with what you feel is the right way to go. So back to my initial question. Do I have regrets? I plead guilty to the points described above and probably a few others I didn't mention. But that is okay because I can also point to moments when maybe a run into a former player of mine who tells me about something I said to them years ago, which stuck with them and has in some way helped them deal later on on life. As I walk away from coaching, I am not the coach or person I used to be; far from it. I am not perfect, and I am not supposed to be, I sometimes failed to own my mistakes, listen well, and be humble, just like their are times I didn't give myself enough credit for success I might have had. But all that is okay because my journey in coaching might be over, my journey as a person is still ongoing. Every day I am trying to get better. Hopefully those around me see it. As for coaching, I often hope that if my former players would say one thing about me, it would be " He always gave us his very best effort and genuinely cared about us" Coaches, we owe it to their athletes to honestly evaluate their coaching, and if necessary hit the reset button like I did a few times during my coaching career Have the courage to change. Take ownership of who you are and what you do. Be a difference maker. Once it is over, accept that you will have some regrets but don't judge yourself too harshly, no one is perfect, even the very best.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
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