I am sure that pretty much everyone has heard some variation of the saying that life is never really just black or white, but rather different shades of grey. It is something I can remember telling myself a majority of my life, but as I got older, I embraced the philosophy more and more. For some reason which is truly beyond explanation for myself, I simply didn't need to always feel that there were only two possibilities to every situation. More important however, I took the mindset that I didn't always need to see someone's else's opinions or ideas as being wrong, in order to feel that I was right.
To see the world in black and white is to live within the contours of extreme. This outlook neatly and clearly divides the world and everything we experience on a daily basis into right versus wrong, good versus evil, and yes versus no. Exercising black-and-white thinking means believing that things can be completely right or totally wrong, that people are either friends or foes, that the days are perfect or a nightmare, that all that is not a success is a failure, and that all that is not virtuous is vicious. It is now or never. We are beautiful or ugly, that you love or you hate, and so on. In short: black-and-white thinking tends to define a situation by making clear, rigid and permanent distinctions. It reduces the multiform, complex and sometimes indecipherable chaos to “this” or “that”. It tends to define the reality of people and events with only two opposing categories: good or bad. This thinking is dependent upon such words as always and never. Especially in times of crisis, the black and white worldview is looked upon as strength and courage to the casual observer. It can also come across as very reassuring especially if the thinker automatically puts him/herself on the side of reason, intelligence, justice, beauty and truth. At a young age, thought and how we interpret information will generally begin in black and white terms. This is how we are children tend learn to use words and organize their thoughts. How many parents have provided their pre-teen age kids with a rule, only to later alter the decree ever so slightly and have the child retort with: “But you said?” As we grow older and accumulate more life experiences and engage with different people, we learn that there is a "whole other world" out there. As the boundaries of our knowledge expand, we have a chance to see that there are many different realities. That the things we experienced previously are not the only realities that exist and just because there are normal or right for us, doesn't mean that our opinion is the only one that exists. However, as adults, we are prone to revert to a simpler way of analyzing situations and thinking during moments of crisis and stress, relying on the words “always” or “never,” and seeing the world in black and white terms, thus slipping back to the way we saw the world as a child. In the world of black and white we can become overwhelmed with the desire to find “the” answer. When something bad happens in our lives, we feel the urgent need to figure out the cause and effect as to why it happens to "us". For all of the obvious short- term reasons to embrace black and white thinking, there is definite a downside. Not only does black and white thinking show little appreciation for the world of gray it has even less for the concept of self-reflection. To self-reflect, especially after a decision has been made, could open one to the possibility of being wrong—which defeats the purpose of black and white thinking. Black and white thinking is also flawed because it inherently assumes a static world. It is dependent upon everything and everyone maintaining the role that such thinking has already preordained. There is little regard for the human condition that does not correspond to its beliefs, because black and white thinking is rooted more toward the generic and stagnant occurrences as opposed to seeing them as being situational. Failure becomes harder to confront because one tends to place an inordinate amount of energy being right. It is an unfortunate default against the complexities of the world. It requires far less courage to live in the black and white than it does to live in the gray. The world of gray requires that we show up and be present. It does not afford us the luxury of putting life on automatic pilot. Moreover, black and white thinking, though it may provide momentary comfort, is simply unrealistic to sustain. After all, even black and white photos come with their own varying shades of gray. When we see life as always being simply black or white, that if we are right, then everyone else must be definition be wrong, or if we failed it is because we made a bad decision and therefore we are wrong, it can lead to biases that can obscure our ability to judge and make good decisions. They deform or erase all elements not congruent with the “black and white” vision, which instead should reasonably be considered. The black-and-white thinking is reassuring, at least, in the short term, but in the long run, it has several disadvantages:
Yet, in our everyday lives, the way many of the things we encounter each day and how they are defined express a certain level of black and white connotations. Things like, nature vs nurture. east vs west. peace or war. public and private, masculine or feminine, city or countryside, freedom or oppression, health and illness. reason vs sentiment and simple things like, youth vs old age and even right and left Those examples define two extreme opposites for different facets of our lives, however between the two extremes, there is not some sort of void that can't be described but rather varying combinations of the extremes. Just because are are old, doesn't mean we can thing young. Small doses of black-and-white thinking can, therefore, be useful in life. And as long as you commit to paying attention to all the thousands changing shades of gray, you can have a reasonable and balanced view of the world we live in. When we stop thinking simply in the extremes and take a more positive approach to looking all the things we encounter day to day, we can discover a strong sense of purpose and confidence as we move away from accepting that life it what it is and understand that there are many paths we can choose to take. Positive thinking does not mean having a blind optimism, superficiality in addressing problems or indifference. It is a way of understanding and enjoying life by following a sum of realistic and fair principles. One thing that I have embraced as I have grown older is that we always have choices. Yes, sometimes the choices are better the lesser of two evils, but there is choice none the less. We are more defined by how we react to struggles and disappointments than by our resignation that there was nothing we could do to chance our fate. The ability to see something from many points of view gives an individual the ability to accept and understand a situation much better and find more solutions rather than simply accepting things as they happen. It is by no means easy but we have the power to alter our paths if we get out of our own way. When we accept that life isn't about two opposing extremes but rather a variety of possibilities, it can lead us to being more open-minded and willing to listen to someone without judging or develop certain conclusions before they finish talking. Do not assume you know someone just because they shared with you a few details of their story. Too many people jump into defensive mode during discussions, planning our replies in advance based on part of what we hear, rather than taking the time to process all the words and information. People who are open-minded try not to spend too much of their energy and time thinking of their past negative experiences as this doesn’t help their personal evolution. On the other hand, they also try not to worry too much about the future because there are too many possibilities to be taken into account that can change the plans or the course of a story in a few seconds. Thus, the best way to walk through life’s challenges is to focus your energy and attention on what you have now in the place where life has taken you at this moment. Although the reasons why we choose to think in black and white may vary, we must always remember that there can be infinite ways to resolve a situation and so many aspects that can influence a person’s behaviour or story. So next time before you put a label on someone or something, take a step back and reconsider if you really understood the root cause and all the details. When you think there is only one way to interpret a situation, perhaps you should think about the famous and time tested Indian fable about the five blind men and the elephant. You don't know it? You can access one version and its interpretation via this link https://www.allaboutphilosophy.org/blind-men-and-the-elephant.htm If you still don't get it, just tell yourself this, if you've read all the way to hear and you don't agree with me, just because you think this is some kind of BS, doesn't mean it isn't real to me.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
Categories
All
|