It's not often you hear a coach admit, out loud, "boy, was I dumb." -or- " man did I every screw up, I got it all wrong and my decisions were terrible". However that humility in my opinion is what makes good coach, great. You have to accept that you don't know it all, don't always get it right but most importantly, give a clear message to your athletes that you are only human and make mistakes like everyone else, in every aspect of everyday like.
Yes, our athletes look to us to have all the answers and find the magical solution but in competitive sports, not everyone wins, and when you are on the losing side of the ledger sometimes, it's because the other team was simply better, even if you did everything perfectly. Or it could be an issue of one of the intangibles affecting the result, weather, refs' calls, field conditions, whatever. Yes, also, sometimes it is the fault of your athletes who didn't perform, who underachieved, or who simply sucked on the day. However, sometimes, negative outcomes are directly caused by your coaching. With the number of games I have managed in, practices I have run and players I have coached, I have made my lion share of mistakes, some blatant howlers even, however I would like to think I get things right more often than not and most important, that I learned from my mistakes. On a larger scale, I think there are 3 significant mistakes that all coaches make at some point. 1. Thinking your coaching is bigger than sports As coaches, we all like to think that we are helping our athletes beyond their sport. That we are teaching them life lessons and skill sets that will help them be successful contributors to society. We are strive to give one of those inspirational locker room speeches that inspire our athletes. Our share a one on one moment with a player that gives them purpose. Sometimes we actually do, but when it does happen, it is usually a result of us as coaches simply doing what we do to the best of our ability. Yes, there are life lessons kids can learn in sports. But there also are life lessons kids learn on the playground, in the classroom, at home, on TV, or any social setting... basically, anywhere they live., play or interact with others. If you want to put undue pressure on your kids, and especially on yourself, the quickest way to do that is to aspire to be a combination of the great coaches of your sport and some sort of motivational speaker. The life lessons will come as they come. Just start with teaching the game while having fun in the best way you know how. The rest will develop as the trust and confident your athletes feel towards you grows. They will follow your lead if they feel you have something to offer. 2. Wondering why parents can't see you for the good-hearted, generous and dedicated person your are. My coaching career has been such that I haven't had to interact much with parents. I started coaching senior women, so parents were not a factor, and have coached at the competitive levels where parents are not investing significant amounts of money which gives them the impression that they have the right to provide guidance and feedback on every decision you make. However, I have on occasion come across parents who might be considered a little too involved in their kids athletic careers.I had coached for many years by this point, and I should have known better. But, still, I wondered, what was THEIR problem? Why were these parents so over-the-top? Why wouldn't they see my side? With experience, I learned that getting defensive was never a good idea, even if -- especially if -- parents are coming at you in the heat of the moment. I'm not saying I was always wrong, or that I was always right. But maybe, drawing on my managerial experience from my "real job", I should have suggested we talk later, in a less heated moment. I might have even learned something. As much as coaches like to rip on parents, and it happens with good reason, especially at early ages, what parents want is to be heard, and to know that someone has their child's best interest at heart. As a coach, it's my job to let them know that, and if at that point they don't see it, then, well, you do the best you can. 3. Expecting kids to fall in line, just because There is a lot of push-pull between coaches and their athletes. Simply said, you can make everyone happy, all of the time. As a coach you have to accept this and prepare for it. . Sports are at the base a game, the same game that kids play informally with their friends during recess and lunch or after school. Be definition games should be fun but at younger age groups, the kids are still trying on a sport. There are athletes who are clearly interested, but there usually just as many who are picking the proverbial grass blades in the outfield or involved because their parents have pushed them into it, or they want to be around their friends. Especially when score is being kept or as the competitive level and increases, it's easy as a coach to feel pressured to do something to press athletes to take things more seriously so you don't feel the hot stares of parents. club officials, administrators, or basically anyone with an opinion in the stands, looking to judge your coaching capacity, in the stands (which might not be happening; you just think it is). I should mention that the most difficult situation for a youth coach is when your best player -- and, yes, even small kids can figure out who the best player is -- is the one causing the most trouble. It's a coaching truism that if your best player falls in line with you, then the rest will follow, and if he or she doesn't -- "oh crap". I've made the mistake of trying to make examples out of those players, whether it's kicking them out of a drill or calling them out , holding them to a higher standard. It's important that your expectations and team rules are clear and explained from the start and that your reaction as a coach be consistent, no matter who the player is, now matter how important the next game is But you have to accept there are kids who are interested, and kids who aren't. There usually is nothing magical you can do to create that interest -- and that's OK. Just stick to what you do best, focus on your plan and if you steer the course, hopefully things work out. Sometimes they don't As always, just my opinion.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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