This isn't the first time I write on the topic but I think it is a very relevant issue that seems to always come up. Dealing with over-zealous parents is something that can be very difficult and it many ways the issue seems to be getting worse.
My personal coaching experience has mostly been with adults or young adults, however I have had situation where I had to deal with parents wanting justification for certain decisions as they related to their child. I have also witnessed what I consider unacceptable behavior while attended club games or showcases when doing the rounds for scouting new players so I think I have a pretty good handle on the topic. Parents have become more emboldened about confronting coaches on issues such as playing time, roles on the team and proper exposure for their son or daughter for the chance to earn a spot at on a university team with scholarship, all-star team selection, media attention, whatever. Through the emergence of social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, along with the evolution of email and text messaging, parents can more easily access coaches and express their thoughts. Additionally, these mediums make sharing opinions and views with friends, the public and parents of other players on the team easier. Social media/email and cellphones/texting have given more parents a way to complain, inquire and vent without a personal meeting. This allows them to either be braver or just more anonymous while asking questions parents wanted to ask years ago, but didn’t want to do in person. We are too accessible. A unique issue of the North American culture is that the better an athlete is, the higher level they compete at, the more it costs. Other regions have models where the participation masses fund the elite. The biggest change from parents is a sense of entitlement due to the fees associated with participating in a elite level sports.Because parents pay a fee for their child to play, they feel they are entitled to be heard and have policy changed to suit them if something comes up. As fees increase and social medias impact grows, it’s difficult to see the tide turning toward making the parent problem easier to handle. The main causes of parent - coach disputes are pretty straightforward in nature and are probably not a secret to anyone. I have put together a few suggestions for handling the most common ones. 1. Don’t Talk Playing Time. Many coaches tell parents immediately that discussions about playing time are off-limits. The best way that we’ve limited parent complaints from the onset of the season and throughout the season is to tell parents at the parents meeting that playing time is non-negotiable, and each player will know what their role on the team is. Do not compare players or players situations when talking to parents, if you do want to have a discussion, focus on what the parents child can work on to improve their game and what the importance is of their role on the team during the season. The players that get the most playing time are the ones that based on practice, work ethic, attitude, team plait should come from the athlete.All coaches know and respect that players would like more playing time. No coach minds when a player comes and asks, Coach, what are the things I In fact, coaches should encourage that. Should parents travel down the playing time path, it may not be the words they want to hear. 2. Be Open And Honest Right From The Start. We’ve all heard the cliché honesty is the best policy, and it’s a phrase coaches should really follow. It’s never too early to let parents know where you stand. Open dialogue is always the best policy. However, be clear about when and how this dialogue will occur, Don't get into arguments using email or texting. If there is a conflict, this is always done best face-to-face. Be human, listen to parent concerns and if you handled a situation poorly, apologize for the mistake and move on. Nobodys perfect, and we can always learn from our mistakes. One parent may push your buttons too far and take you to a place you don’t want to go. It’s wise to grow from the mistake and make it a learning experience. 3. The 24-Hour Rule. I can't stress enough the importance of this rule. Don’t take a meeting with a parent for at least 24 hours after a game is finisheda parent cooling-down period.Not only does instituting such a rule help parents calm down, but it lets coaches clear their minds too and lessens the chances of an ugly, regrettable confrontation. 4. Preseason Meeting Suggestions. The preseason meeting is an opportunity for coaches to not only lay out the rules for parents, but to get to know each other better and establish a comfort zone. Be upfront, let parents know from the start that as coaches, as humans, can make mistakes. make it clear that decisions are always made in the best interests of the individuals and the team as a whole based on the information available. Sometimes as a coach, you will make the right decision but the outcome won't be what you hoped. Unfortunately you will often be judged on the result. It’s how you respond to those mistakes that will determine your success. 5. Communication Is Key. Remember, each parent is trying their best to be an advocate for their (child). For the most part, when parents question decisions, they are doing with the best of intentions or at least in their mind simply looking out for their child. Yes, there will be that minority of parent who feels they know the sport and coaching better then you, better than anyone and will be rude and arrogant about expressing their opinion. For these, I have sometimes just suggested perhaps they take over the team. generally quiets them. for the rest, try to see their perspective as the caring parent they are trying to be, and help them see how you, as a coach, need to keep everyones child and the overall goals of the program in mind as you make decisions. The parent problem isnt going to go away, but with a little bit of patience and a positive attitude, the experience doesn’t need to always be combative.Parents feel they have a right to be heard, and if it is the proper time, situation and the communication is mutually respectful, that can be a good thing and a positive experience. Communicating and building rapport with parents should not mean a coach compromises any of their meaningful expectations or philosophies. Anyways, just a few thoughts which I hope might help some of you starting out in coaching or thinking of getting into coaching. Until next time.
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AuthorAfter many years of coaching at various levels and with different teams, I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts about coaching. Archives
January 2023
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